I’ve never been a “girl’s girl.” As I scroll through my Facebook feed, I see tons of my acquaintances doing “girls’ night out,” “drinks with my bestie,” “sister from another mister,” etc., and I can’t help but notice the lack of that in my own life. I definitely had girlfriends as a kid, and when I was in school. I noticed that that abruptly tapered off once I graduated. It probably doesn’t help that I have basically worked with only men for the past 7 years. I’ve occasionally reflected on the absence of female companionship in my life for years now. What is it about me? Why don’t I have any real girlfriends? After all of that contemplation, I’ve finally been inspired to write my theories about why I don’t seem to have any female friends.
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1. I have no patience for the emotional roller-coaster syndrome. Just like any other woman, I experience emotional ups and downs. I often get angry and offended by things that seem ridiculous to me in hindsight. Often it is hormonal. However, even then, I am pretty good at controlling myself. I never fly off the handle at other women, no matter how bad of a mood I’m in. Therefore, I find it hard to be understanding when other women go crazy-bit*h on me, then try to blame it on PMS the next day.
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2. I can’t tolerate the constant competitiveness. Women are ridiculous when it comes to being competitive with each other, and I can’t stand it. Sometimes in social situations, I will meet another woman, and try to strike up a friendly chat, only to realize after about three minutes she’s really just sizing me up. If there are guys around, it’s even worse. I don’t know if this is an instinctual thing that some women can’t help, but I find it incredibly draining as well as off-putting.
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3. I don’t hold grudges. I definitely get into arguments with people. However, once I say my piece, I make a good-faith effort to meet the other person in the middle so we can come to some kind of solution. Once the fight is resolved, it’s over for me. Most of the time I will apologize, even if I’m not completely to blame. And after that, I genuinely forgive people. A lot of women are not capable of this. They will hold onto something (often something very trivial) for YEARS. I don’t have the energy for that. It takes enough energy as it is just hashing out a disagreement. If all of that effort ends up being in vain, then it’s not a good use of my time.
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4. Women expect you to adopt THEIR grudges, too! This one never ceases to amaze me. Just because your girlfriend feels like she has been wronged by someone, YOU, too, are expected to give them the stink eye each and every time you see them. God forbid you ever say anything kind or civil to them or try to help them in any way. I can't deal with that. Unless someone has deeply wronged someone very, very close to me (read: immediate family) your beef with other people is yours and yours alone.
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5. Women can be high-maintenance friends. I admit that I am a pretty self-absorbed person. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my own little world that I become oblivious to everyone else. I may go weeks, months, years, without being in contact with someone. The problems occur when I reach back out to them, and I find out that they are deeply offended that I haven’t been in touch. As a busy and introverted person, I recognize that while my own world revolves around me, no one else’s does. (nor should it) So when I reconnect with an old friend, I am simply excited to see them and catch up. If rekindling a friendship involves me having to grovel for forgiveness about having been doing my own thing, it’s not worth it for me. Furthermore, a lot of women expect you to prioritize what they want you to do over what you want to do. This is three times worse if they are single. Just sayin’.
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6. I have absolutely zero consolation skills. I’m perceptive and empathetic, but I’m terrible at pep talks. Women friends seem to need those a lot from each other, and I’m just not good at it. While I can sense when something is wrong with someone quicker than most people, I am terrible about knowing how to cheer them up. When other people cry in front of me, it affects me deeply and makes me extremely uncomfortable. Personally, when I’m upset, I prefer to let the mood run its course. I can’t stand for someone to try and cheer me up. It’s like nails on a chalkboard. Since I don’t like it, it doesn't ever occur to me to do it for anyone else. Therefore, when women try to talk to me about their problems, I tend to literally analyze the situation and give the most logical solution that occurs to me. I've found that men tend to find this type of reflection helpful, but I realize that women are often simply looking for coddling rather than a real solution. I find that unproductive, and don't need it to process though my problems. I didn't earn the nickname “Ice Queen” for no reason!
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7. I’m a loner. Maybe because most of my childhood was spent as an only child, I tend to be solitary in nature. I find that I work better and am much more productive when I am alone. Though I am often alone, I am never lonely. While I wouldn't necessarily describe myself as secretive or deceptive, I am a very private person. I can’t stand other people being in my business. “Besties” seem to always be in each other’s business. Groups of girlfriends seem to function with a pack mentality. As a fundamentally independent soul, I find that I am unable to adhere to such an invasion of my autonomy for very long without feeling like I'm going to lose my sanity. I have observed that men are not this way with their guy friends. They respect each other’s privacy and don’t feel the need to know everything about the other. Why can't women be like that too?
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