Every person is different and every relationship is different. I've been in and out of my share of relationships. Some of them were short-lived, and some lasted for years. While ending a bad relationship can be difficult, it helps you get to know yourself better, in terms of what you are and are not willing to tolerate in your partner. Being no stranger to this sort of "learning experience," I thought I would share my top list of deal-breaking behaviors that I will absolutely not tolerate in a man, and I don't think you should either. (Relax guys, the women's list is coming soon!)
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1. Lack of Ambition. Growing up, all of my parents were really hard-working, so I was raised to value that. By the time he reaches his mid-twenties, a guy really should have a long-term career plan in place.To me, a man with no drive is a major turn-off. A lack of passion with regard to your career (whatever that may be) indicates to me that you don't intend on trying your hardest to contribute to our joint effort of accomplishing and doing all of the things we want to do in life. These things may include travel, having a nice place to live, going to nice dinners together, providing for (potential) children, and many other things. I want to make one thing clear: How much money you make isn't what is important. What's important is that you are doing the best you can at all times. When you work hard and take pride in what you do, you send the message that you value achieving our goals.
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2. Lack of Attention. I will be the first to admit, I have been called a "princess" before. For the most part, I was raised as an only child, and therefore I guess I'm used to attention. However, I don't think it's over the top to expect to be regularly acknowledged by your partner. You deserve to be greeted when you walk in the door. You deserve your partner's undivided attention when on a dinner date. If a guy is too busy playing video games to notice how great you look in a new dress, or he can't pull himself away from his cell phone to listen to you talk about your day over dinner, then you've got a problem. We pay attention to things that we care about or find interesting. I refuse to be with someone who finds Facebook or Grand Theft Auto more interesting than me.
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3. Lack of Chivalry. I know I'm going to get an earful from the ultra-feminists about this one, but this is my blog. I was raised in the south, and I can't help it, but I want to be treated like a lady. If a guy lets the door slam on me, or honks the horn from the street to pick me up for a date, I'm sorry, but it ain't happening. I don't expect a guy to always open the car door or pull out chairs, or even always pay, (although that is nice! :-P) but I do expect more mindful behavior with me than when he's hanging around the guys. While cursing doesn't bother me, check your overly crass or vulgar speech at the door. Try to control your bodily functions. And for god-sake, don't feel entitled to "physical compensation" just because you paid for dinner.
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4. Jealousy. I want to make an important distinction: Jealousy is wanting something that is not yours. Possessiveness is protecting what is yours. Possessiveness doesn't bother me. If we are in a relationship, then exclusive rights to my physical affection, intimacy, and romantic love are yours. If someone else tries to infringe on any of those rights, then by all means, you are entitled to be upset by that. However, you do not have exclusive rights over who I am allowed to interact with in a friendly way, who is allowed to tell me I'm pretty, or where I am allowed to go when I am not in your company. Jealousy is a wasted emotion. All it does is make you feel miserable and it makes everyone else think you are a controlling jerk. I refuse to put up with it.
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5. Slovenliness. This one may be unique to me. I grew up in a clean and neat home. I currently keep my home clean and neat. Maintaining a clean living space is very important to me. While I don't expect a guy to scrub the bathtubs and toilets, I do expect him to respect our home by not leaving clothes on the floor, food containers and dirty dishes around the kitchen, and beard shavings in the sink. Failure to abide by basic standards of neatness are a no-go for me. They tend to make me think that a guy is lazy, and lazy is awfully similar to number 1 in this article, which I just can't deal with. If we are in a relationship, I am signing up to be your life partner, not your mother.
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6. Being Cheap. Again, this could be unique to me, but I cannot stand a tight man. I first shared my financial philosophy here. I can totally get behind having money saved. What I can't get behind is not taking me to a nice restaurant just because you don't want to spend that amount of money on food when you could get it cheaper at the grocery store. It's not wanting me to buy a dress that I feel beautiful in because I can get another one cheaper somewhere else. I guess what I'm saying is that I can't stand frugality simply for frugality's sake. If we really don't have the money, or we have agreed together to cut back and save for something else, that's different. But not wanting to spend just because you don't want to part with your money tells me that your money is more important to you than me and my happiness. And I can't go for that.
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Thanks for Reading!
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