When I was in kindergarten, I did not know any Yankees. I had never even seen one up close. There was not a single person in my class from up north. I don't know exactly when it started, but at some point during my childhood the fall of the Mason-Dixon wall occurred and northerners started coming to North Carolina in droves. It's not hard to see why. We have beautiful weather, a resilient economy, and a very low cost of living compared to most other places in the United States. Don't get me wrong. The great Yankee migration has definitely changed my life for the better. Without you guys, we wouldn't have soccer, hockey, the Power ball lottery, or really good Italian food. However, sometimes ya'll think you know it all and that you can tell us southerners what's what, so I'm taking this opportunity to set the record straight on a few things. Here are 10 things I'm tired of hearing northerners say:
Disclaimer: I do not hate northerners. I have lots of northern friends that I love dearly who will have just as much fun reading this article as I did writing it. This article is categorized as "humor," which means that it's a joke.
1) "You guys need a better public transit system": Yes, I am fully aware of the environmental benefits of public transit, but we just haven't got there yet, ok? In the mean time I enjoy cruising leisurely from place to place in my car and parking 20 feet from the door in big sprawling, spacious parking lots. (except for downtown) It's one of the benefits of living here. Be a little more appreciative and enjoy it while you still can. Urban Expansion is coming soon enough. I have been informed, however, that the Greyhound bus station is currently offering one-way tickets up north.
2) "You guys talk funny." I have heard this one numerous times, but it never ceases to amaze me every time I hear a northerner say this to me. In fairness, usually it's kids and teenagers who say this, so I guess they don't know any better. Since true southerners are basically an endangered species in the metropolitan areas, the general accent you mostly hear there is not "southern-sounding." However, if you drive 15 minutes out of town, you are venturing back out into the natural habitat of the southerner. Here you will observe the native accent that even true southerners fail to develop when they are bred in *captivity. Therefore, allow me to explain my accent for the masses: I'm from HERE. My parents are from HERE. My grandparents are all from HERE. Even my great-grandparents are from HERE. YOU are NOT from here. Therefore, YOU are the one who talks "funny", NOT me.
*Captivity refers to the Triangle and Triad areas of North Carolina where there is a high concentration of relocated populations from northern states.
3) "You guys' public school systems are terrible." This one hits close to home, because my mom taught public school in North Carolina for 30 years. It's truly one of the most thankless jobs, especially in NC. The system does have its share of problems, and I agree that we don't pay our teachers nearly enough. However, as far as how that translates to our academic success in general, don't get too caught up in the statistics of the standardized tests that seem to indicate how dumb and uneducated we are. Raleigh has one of the highest concentrations of PhD's of any city in the United States. We are home to over 100 colleges/universities, many of them nationally ranked. The majority of their student bodies are composed by people from North Carolina. We are doing something right. If you can't stand our primary and secondary schools, go ahead and send your kids to school in New York or California. Later you can feel welcome to pay out the a$$ for out-of-state tuition when they later decide that they want to attend one of our top-ranked schools.
4) "You guys' music is terrible." First of all, no it's not. Second, don't think just because I'm not from the north, that I don't know anything about the north. I wasn't born last night. You Yankees are NUTS about our country stars. Basically everything outside of the major cities (which most of ya'll aren't from anyway) is rural and you northerners have country music and bluegrass concerts with attendances that rival ours. You also have more country stations on your radios than we do. You have just as many country stars as us. Perfect example: Taylor Swift, one of the hottest things in the music world right now, is a Yankee (from Pennsylvania) who got famous singing country music.
5) "What are you?" In a word, American. And unless you were born in a foreign country, then so are you and I can't fathom why you would ask me this question. Northerners amuse me with how staunch they are about self-identifying through their ancestral heritage, even when they have never been to the country their ancestors are from, don't speak a word of the language, and don't know any of that country's history. However, for some reason it's just really really important that you understand that they are Irish, Italian, Russian, etc. Also, I'm still trying to find a country on the map called "Jewish." I haven't had any success. Some of us down south have traced our roots, but for most of us, all we can figure is that we're a hodge-podge of everything and we're alright with it.
6) "You guys don't have "real" delis down here." Ok, so I guess that enormous section in every Harris Teeter is just a joke/lie. What have I been putting on my sandwiches all these years? I actually went to one of these famous "delis" once and I was totally underwhelmed. I paid $17.95 for a sandwich that fell apart. (I did not even get chips on the side) You northerners can keep your "real" delis. I don't need a whole package of meat on one sandwich. That's just plain wasteful. Who can even bite that? I'll take my fried chicken, biscuits, BBQ, and sweet tea any day thank you very much.
7) "You guys have no pro teams." First of all, for football this isn't technically true. We have the Carolina Panthers, and for a relatively new team, I have seen tremendous spirit (via Facebook because I could really give a sh&t about football in general) from North Carolinians. Also, last week my attention was brought to the fact that we do actually have a pro basketball team. Furthermore, our college basketball teams kick major a$$ and we have enough rivalry and spirit to make up for the fact that we don't have time to pay much attention to the glorified slam-dunk contests you northerners boast about.
8) "You guys are ridiculous about the snow." This one really gets me. Often in the south, we get freezing rain/ice more than actual snow. And no one, NO ONE can drive on a sheet of solid ice. I don't care where you are from or what kind of chains you have on your tires. Here's something to consider: If we were all experts at driving in the snow, it would be because we live somewhere it snows a lot, and if that were the case, then you wouldn't love living here like you do, so count your blessings. Do we clean out the grocery stores of milk, bread, and eggs when snow is predicted? Of course we do. Mainly we do it just to baffle you Yankees who amuse us by going bonkers about it on Facebook every. single. time. Who are we to take that joy away from you?
9)"You guys are all a bunch of hicks." This is another one I've heard countless times. However, I'm going to enlighten everyone about a dirty little secret Yankees desperately cling to: 99% of them are as hickish if not more so than we are. Apart from the major urban areas, the north is nothing but a bunch of one-horse towns, completely devoid of cosmopolitanism, where bad haircuts and bad behavior run rampant. If you are from anywhere other than New York City, Boston, or Philadelphia, you're just a northern redneck. Get over it.
In closing, I would like to say:
Ya'll come back now!
XOXO -Dana
Today's post is my first link-up ever and I'm really excited! Courtney Marshall, of Courtney Fashionista, one of my blogger buddies (and real life buddies), agreed to write a piece in conjunction with my post. She's from the north, so she offers a great counter-perspective to my writing! Make sure to check out her post here!
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Meet Courtney. Read her blog here.
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och, great post! :-)
ReplyDeletehaha i love this, it's all so true
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