tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-77822741405653138882024-03-27T02:38:17.688-04:00STONE STYLElife and style in the urban southAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17099599187267036998noreply@blogger.comBlogger129125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7782274140565313888.post-51010135760690197282016-11-29T10:57:00.000-05:002016-11-29T11:02:44.631-05:00How Being a Lawyer Affects Your Personal Relationships<center>
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Law school truly separated my life. There's who I was before, and who I am now. When people say it changes the way you think, they aren't lying. It changes you right to your core. However, what isn't often said is how said new way of thinking is going to impact your personal life. We know that the professional training we get at law school prepares us to advocate for our clients. But what does it mean for our family, friends, and significant others? Since becoming an attorney, I've definitely noticed a difference in the way I interact with and am treated by people outside work. If you're in law school, or planning to go to law school, here are some ways you can expect it to affect your personal relationships.</div>
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<b><u>1. People will hate arguing with you about anything</u>. </b></div>
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From the first year of law school, we are taught to build compelling evidence to support our side, and to shut down any evidence that contradicts our argument as quickly and, unfortunately, as brutally as possible. While this is appropriate when trying to prove whether the law enforcement officer had probable cause to search someone's car, it doesn't go over so well at the Thanksgiving dinner table. It's because we've become so conditioned to someone always trying to f*ck us over, whether that be a law professor, a bar examiner, or opposing counsel. Unfortunately, that level of defensiveness doesn't have an automatic dial-down. Whenever we engage in any sort of debate, the default is to treat every conversation like a cross-examination. We twist words, look for inconsistencies in statements, and try to outwit our opponents with questions designed to elicit the responses we want. For someone who isn't trained to argue that way, it can be incredibly frustrating, especially if you know you're right but you can't seem to make your point because the lawyer seems to be one step ahead of you at every turn. However, there is a silver lining. Whenever you need someone to argue on your behalf, your lawyer friend will come through for you and demolish the other side. And you must admit, it's pretty fun watching that go down.</div>
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<b><u>2. Your inherent distrustful nature can become off-putting</u></b>. </div>
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Lawyers quickly learn not to trust anyone. After all, even our clients lie to us on a daily basis. A few years ago, I missed a legal strategy that was used by the other attorney in a litigation case I was working on. When I realized it too late, I was gutted. The same thing happens on law school exams. You think you've analyzed all of the facts in any scenario, addressed all of the legal issues, and written an air-tight correct response, only to realize 15 minutes after the exam that you completely missed something major. Going through this process for several years trains lawyers to automatically doubt every single thing they read or hear. They are almost always suspicious of the motivations and intentions of other people. They are always reading between the lines, always looking for the angle. This isn't personal. This is because we have been publicly berated over and over again in the past for not questioning everything. It's a defense mechanism rooted in avoiding the repetition of past humiliation. The good side of this is that if you've got someone you think is trying to screw you over, your lawyer friend can probably make that determination for you in a matter of minutes. </div>
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<b><u>3. You can't stop seeing the legal issues in every life situation</u></b>. </div>
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Having a house party? Better make sure the broken stair is fixed lest someone falls and makes a claim on your homeowner's insurance. Buying something on Craigslist for more than $500? Better get it in writing. Did you have a car accident? So help me God, don't you dare give them a recorded statement! This is what lawyers think about all the time. Every single situation in life has legal implications. Although it's good to be informed and careful with your daily affairs, it can quickly become obnoxious when you're always the bringer of doom. I've found that people get the most annoyed when they actually ask for the advice in the first place but then don't like the answer. I can't tell you how many times someone will tell me about a situation, ask me, "Can I sue/be sued?" then proceed to argue with me about why they think they're right and I'm wrong. Why even ask? The problem is that lawyers cannot function as "yes men." Even when we recognize that someone just wants us to tell them what they want to hear, we physically. cannot. do it. People get infuriated by it. C'este la vie. </div>
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<b><u>4. People become uncomfortable when they find out what you do</u></b>.</div>
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The other day I was buying something that required a contract. Somehow, my job came up in conversation, and the salesman said, "Oh! I'd better be careful what I say and do then!" I wasn't really sure how to take this. Was he saying that had I not been an attorney, he would have tried to get one over on me? Because if that's the case, I fear for the innocent public and, by God, we need even more lawyers than we've already got. Or, on the contrary, was he suggesting that lawyers just go around trying to sue people for no reason? I don't really like that either. Lawyers are busy people and even when you know what you're doing, legal battles are time-consuming and stressful. I don't know <i>any</i> lawyers who engage in that for sh*ts and giggles. Regardless, it was an awkward exchange but something you apparently have to get used to.<br />
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<b><u>5. Free legal advice solicitations will abound.</u></b></div>
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I know for a fact this happens to pretty much all of my colleagues. I definitely don't mind giving unlimited free legal advice to my friends and family. After all, I owe a lot of my success in getting through law school and becoming an attorney to their unwavering support. I will be forever grateful for that. What I'm referring to is people who barely know me or not at all who shamelessly ask for free legal help. For some unknown reason, it ALWAYS seems to be family law stuff. Once, when we were moving offices, one of the movers thought it would be a good idea to ask for advice on his child support contempt case. Once in an Uber at 2:30 a.m., my driver wanted to tell me her long, sordid custody battle story and ask my opinion. Someone I presumably went to high school with but can't place randomly messaged me on Facebook a few months ago and asked me to review a prenuptial agreement for free! I don't know if this happens across other professions, though I imagine it does occur a lot for those working in the medical field. Either way, people seem to forget how much time, money, and work it takes to become a lawyer. I'm a new lawyer, therefore I'm always looking for new work and challenges. I am more than happy to help anyone I can, anyway I can, the best that I can...for a reasonable fee. [mic drop]</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17099599187267036998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7782274140565313888.post-8423805145425105622016-11-14T12:11:00.000-05:002016-11-14T12:11:08.961-05:00Anxiety: Insight into a Troubled Mind<center>
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Those who know me well know I've struggled fiercely with anxiety since I was a child. It runs in my family. I don't know why some people have a tendency toward anxiety while others don't. I don't know whether it's programmed into a person's very DNA, present from the moment of conception, or developed during childhood, the product of some sort of environmental influence. While I think it can be managed, I don't think it can ever be cured. I've often thought that maybe it began as an evolutionary advantage. Surely being anxious made one more aware of their surroundings, or perhaps it made for hyper-vigilant food gathering. However, that which ensures survival does not necessarily translate to a happy life.</div>
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For those who don't really struggle with anxiety, it can be hard to imagine what it's like for those who do. Why can't they simply put things out of their minds? Why can't they just relax? Why can't they appreciate the logical evidence that discredits their worries? It's one of the hardest things to explain, because it really just doesn't make sense. People have already tried to describe what anxiety is like in a thousand ways on the internet. I'm going to try again. </div>
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The mind of a person who suffers from anxiety is at best a bustling crowd of benign ideas competing for space and attention, and at worst a carnival of horrors. Getting trapped there on a good day usually just results in a bit of scatterbrain and fatigue. Getting trapped there on a bad day results in a form of internal panic that physically manifests itself into your breathing, your appetite, and your heart beat.<br />
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Most adults who suffer from anxiety had very active imaginations as children. I spent the majority of my childhood with my nose stuck in a book. I read fiction almost exclusively, especially fantasy. My love of fiction continues to this day. I have the ability to become so engrossed in a book, that at some point, the subconscious line between reality and make-believe begins to blur, and I will actually forget that the characters are fictional. It takes a conscious effort on my part to sort out what's real and what's pretend. While this makes for a great entertainment experience, it exacerbates the turmoil of anxiety. The same principle that makes reading so fun operates against the nervous mind. </div>
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People who worry incessantly are fundamentally incapable of separating fact from fiction. The mere possibility that something might go wrong immediately becomes the reality in their minds. They may even behave as if it already has happened, often to their detriment. Understand that this is practically involuntary. They have very little control over it.<br />
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When something bad happens to you in real life, you have an emotional reaction to it. This is when the horrible feeling is at its worst. After that moment has passed, you can start getting over it. People who suffer from worrying about that bad thing happening cannot get over it, since it hasn't actually happened. Therefore, they remain trapped in the limbo of uncertainty, doomed to repeat that peak-level awfulness over and over again. That's why they may begin to behave as if the horrible thing already has happened, in a desperate and futile attempt to try and "move on" from it. Often when someone tells me that something terrible has happened to them, I say, "Well, at the very least you don't have to dread that it will happen any longer." In a strange way, for a person with anxiety, this is a significant consolation. </div>
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A positive side of anxiety is that people who suffer from it tend to think things through very thoroughly. When they make a decision to do something, you better believe that they've thought about all, and I mean ALL of the horrible things that could go wrong. Talk about calculated risks! Anxiety sufferers are often great students, as long as they are able to keep their test-taking anxiety under control enough to perform. (I'm convinced I almost had a heart-attack during the bar exam.) They are motivated by an intense fear of failure. They are also excellent multi-taskers. They tend to work quickly, because getting a job done relieves them of the stress of knowing that the job needs to be done and hasn't been done.<br />
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In addition to having an overactive mind, a person with anxiety also struggles with thought permanence. Their mind functions like a crab pot for negative thoughts. Easy to get in, nearly impossible to get out. Trying to "forget" a worry is as ineffective as trying to dump the crabs out by shaking the cage upside down. For those who have never used a crab-pot, it doesn't work. The only way to get them out is to take apart the cage.</div>
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My mind does not have a trashcan or a window where speculations can simply be tossed out. The only escape hatch for my worries is a tiny drain hole no bigger than the eye of a needle. I've spent many hours ruminating over troubling thoughts, masticating them in my mind until they are dissolved into tiny bits and liquefied, so that their primary constituents are finally revealed and capable of microscopic analysis. It is only when they are in this form that I can decide whether they must be swallowed and reborn (whereby the awful process repeats itself), or expectorated, where they then drip slowly down the drain until they are out of my mind forever. This is the only way that I'm able to process my worries. As you can imagine, this takes a great deal of time and energy. Being trapped inside your own head can also be very lonely.<br />
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So what can you do? The worst thing you can do to help someone with anxiety is to tell them to stop worrying. Trust me, if they knew how to stop worrying, they would. They also know it's annoying, so they will often try to hide it. Rarely will they ever succeed. The best thing you can do to help someone having an anxious meltdown is help them expedite their own mental process. Allow me to explain. </div>
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Imagine having a very messy house, that's gotten so bad, you feel overwhelmed with the idea of cleaning it. Nevertheless, when someone comes in to help you clean it, the tasks go more quickly. Decisions are more easily made about what to throw away and how to organize what you keep. The job no longer seems insurmountable. Cleaning out your mind is much the same. Your inner demons know you better than you know yourself, so their intimidation strategies are specifically catered to your own fears and insecurities. That's why it's so hard to drive them out yourself. On the other hand, someone else may be totally immune to the same tactics that have thwarted you in the past. Often, when I expose some horrible thought I've had to someone else, I am able to process it much more quickly and get rid of it. Perspective is a very powerful weapon against anxiety, and costs nothing but a little of your time and attention. Show some love to your anxious friends. You never know how much it may mean to them. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://wallpapersafari.com/storm-pictures-wallpaper/">Image Source</a></span></td></tr>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17099599187267036998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7782274140565313888.post-63015483435735719212016-10-26T12:49:00.000-04:002016-10-26T12:50:47.660-04:00Black & White<center>
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<b>Dress:</b> <a href="http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/felicity-coco-seamed-pencil-dress-regular-petite-nordstrom-exclusive/3579649?origin=category-personalizedsort&fashioncolor=BLACK">Nordstrom</a> <b>Shoes:</b> <a href="http://www.bluefly.com/jessica-simpson-jessica-simpson-cirrus-women-round-toe-canvas-heels/p/407639601?cm_mmc=Feeds-_-Google-_-187-_-407639601&gclid=Cj0KEQjwhbzABRDHw_i4q6fXoLIBEiQANZKGW42YcVj-XHP8Y8Uz7T91eD_8cNp06CtxfSUM47eCOFgaAnMa8P8HAQ&kwid=productads-adid%5E120691553891-device%5Ec-plaid%5E216393313451-sku%5E407639601@ADL444014-adType%5EPLA">Jessica Simpson</a> <b>Coat:</b> <a href="https://www.jcrew.com/womens_category/outerwear/wool/PRDOVR~49622/49622.jsp">J. Crew</a> <b>Watch:</b><a href="http://www.michele.com/en_US/shop/watches/urban/deco_16_diamond-MWW06V000001.html"> Michele </a><b>Sunglasses</b>: <a href="http://www.ray-ban.com/usa/sunglasses/RB2140%20UNISEX%20077-original%20wayfarer%20fleck-tortoise/8053672304671">Ray Ban</a> <b>Attache:</b> <a href="http://www.coach.com/coach-metropolitan-briefcase-in-sport-calf-leather/71899.html?dwvar_color=SVCWH">Coach</a> <b>Handbag:</b> <a href="http://www.emma-fox.com/">Emma Fox </a>(sold out) <b>Bracelet:</b> <a href="http://www.davidyurman.com/products/women/collections/chain/oval-link-bracelet-bc0133-ss.html?item=bc0133%20sszzz&ecid=cse_brand_pla_google_us_us%20-%20pla%20-%20bracelets_bracelets&gclid=Cj0KEQjwhbzABRDHw_i4q6fXoLIBEiQANZKGWyYTtRSogVu3guHutQeraT6vZdj9_Uc7eip_PydFNV8aAopU8P8HAQ">David Yurman</a><br />
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Fall is definitely my favorite season for fashion. If you've been following me on Instagram, you know I basically wear these shoes every single day! I can't recommend them enough, and considering the 4" heel height, they are pretty comfortable! Now that I'm an attorney, I decided to get a "briefcase" to carry my files in. I picked this one up at the Coach store a couple of weeks ago and I absolutely love it. It's so professional, yet feminine at the same time. One of the hardest things about working in the legal profession (okay, maybe not one of the hardest, but still!) is the conservative and uptight dress code. I HATE wearing suits! If I have to go to court, it's inevitable, but for days when I'm in the office, I try to compromise fashion-wise. This outfit is professional, yet fashion-forward. It's also great for transitioning from chilly mornings to warm afternoons. What do you think? Do I look like I mean business? :-P<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Photo Credit: <a href="http://www.ndncsolutions.com/">James Saunders</a></i></span></td></tr>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17099599187267036998noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7782274140565313888.post-90980524693105017032016-10-17T13:59:00.000-04:002016-10-17T14:23:44.588-04:00The Day I Became Grateful for all the Bad Things that have Happened to Me<center>
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"How should you be? You should be like a rocky promontory against which the restless surf continually pounds. It stands fast while the churning sea is lulled to sleep at its feet. </div>
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I hear you say, 'How unlucky that this should happen to me.' But not at all.</div>
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Perhaps say instead, 'How lucky I am, that I am not broken by what has happened. And I'm not afraid of what is about to happen, for the same blow might have struck anyone, but not many who would have absorbed it without capitulation or complaint.'"</div>
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-Marcus Aurelius, <i>The Emperor's Handbook</i></div>
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I first heard this quote about two years ago. Life was hard for me then. Extremely hard. I had just flunked a final exam in law school. I had money troubles. I had work troubles. I had relationship troubles. I spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself. I constantly worried about my uncertain future. I wondered why bad things had happened to me. What had I done to deserve them? Why was it that things seemed to be so easy for some people, but I just couldn't catch a break? </div>
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Our lives are nothing more than millions of moments strung together. Most of them are forgotten. But a select few impact us so profoundly that they become permanently etched into our memories, where they mold us into who we are. Hearing these words for the first time became one of those moments for me. They were read aloud on a television show I was watching at the time. I was all alone in my tiny, dark apartment, during the wee hours of the morning. That time of night is the only "me time" you get when you work full time and go to school at night. Those who have done what I've done know that it quickly becomes more precious to you than sleep. </div>
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Anyway, I remember just sitting there, absolutely dumbfounded. I rewound the show, and listened again. And then again. And again. It was in that moment that I stopped feeling sorry for myself. </div>
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I realized that I had been looking at things completely backwards. I was feeling distraught that life was hard. I should have instead been proud that I was making it through the hard times. I should have recognized my strength for still standing, where others might have fallen. I should have been grateful for parents who raised me to be determined, and not to quit just because things get tough. Where is the value and meaning in life if everything you want comes easily? How will you ever truly appreciate what you don't work and suffer for? How can you be proud of something you didn't earn?</div>
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Life is hard. Sometimes, just when you think everything is finally under control, you get blindsided on a random Tuesday afternoon. Sometimes, you don't get the thing you think you want most in the world. Sometimes, you try your hardest and still fail. Some days, you'll say and do all the wrong things. Some days, it will feel like the world is against you. Those days suck. But they happen to everyone, and fortunately, those days will pass.<br />
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Though it's hard, I'm trying to learn to be thankful for the bad days. They clear the air and help us re-center ourselves, like a violent thunderstorm in the dead of summer. Having a bad day forces us to reflect, evaluate, and improve. It's all part of the path towards where we're meant to be. When we finally get there, we'll look back on our journey and see that the obstacles that were so painful at the time made us stronger and better-prepared for challenges we'd face further down the road. We'll have a better understanding of what really matters and what doesn't. We'll see that some of the hardest moments we endured gave birth to some of the most beautiful ones. And we will realize that we wouldn't have changed a thing, because every thing that happened led us to where we are. We will feel honored to have survived the adventure and we will feel the peace of knowing we ended up exactly where we belong.</div>
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Thanks for reading!<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17099599187267036998noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7782274140565313888.post-20391877220943402002016-10-12T10:40:00.000-04:002016-10-12T10:40:44.568-04:00Your Secret Room<center>
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Everyone has a secret room. I go to mine a lot. People around me can tell when it happens. One moment, I'm present, and in the next, the look in my eyes betrays me, revealing that I'm somewhere far away. Before I get ahead of myself, let me take a step back for those who may be unfamiliar with the concept.<br />
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Those who are fans of the HBO series "Six Feet Under" will know exactly what I'm referring to. In fact, I'll give the show credit for coining the term. The idea of a "secret room" came about in the first season. The main character, Nate, in dealing with the aftermath of his father, Nathaniel's death, discovered that his father, a funeral home owner, had been bartering for funeral services. One of the things he had apparently gotten in exchange was an empty room. Since Nathaniel is dead, Nate is only left to stand in the room and imagine what his father used it for during his life. Gambling? Hookers? Drugs? He never found out, of course. The "secret room" in the show became a multilayered, brilliant metaphor, which was and still is a favorite among its fans.</div>
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Your "secret room" is the part of your consciousness that no one else sees. It's got all of the things you've thought but never said to anyone else. It houses your darkest fears and insecurities, guilty pleasures, and true motivations. It also has your innermost desires, some of them relegated there simply because you're afraid to tell them to anyone. I won't lie. There's some scary shit in there. Your secret room is a lot more like a dark attic than an inviting sun room. </div>
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It's a very busy place. This is because every single thought you have is born there. From birth, you must decide whether to "dress" the thought and send it out into the world, or leave it naked and confined to the dark recesses of your mind. Some of these thoughts lie quietly in the shadows, like sleeping cats, all but forgotten. Others become loud and obnoxious, pawing at your conscious mind, constantly demanding your attention like a poorly trained, flea-ridden hound. These are the ones you have to watch out for. These are the ones who hold the secret to who you really are.</div>
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The philosopher Descartes introduced the popular phrase, <i>cogito ergo sum</i>. "I think, therefore I am." In other words, we are the sum of our thoughts. I've heard some argue instead that we are the sum of our acts. I don't think this is true and, and here's why: Before you act, you must conceive the thought that inspires the act. The thought is processed, and the action is then executed. Inevitably, the processing will filter out some of the purity of the original thought. So while the act may still be closely aligned with the thought, the thought itself remains the purest reflection of the mind that conceived it. Therefore, our unfiltered thoughts are the truest reflection of who we are. Since our unfiltered thoughts live in our secret room, then that room is the best reflection of our true selves. Yes, your secret room has a lot of terrifying things in it. But it also has a lot of good things in it. It's the rawest version of YOU there is. Visiting, taking inventory, and organizing your secret room regularly is the only way you can square with yourself. Alone there, you must sort through the debris, organize the chaos, and figure out what you really want.</div>
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There are many people whose secret rooms are not that different from their outward selves. I believe they are some of the least-stressed, easy-going, and content of us all. They exude inner peace. They don't take much personally, forgive and forget easily, and seem to be generally satisfied with life. They tend to take things at face value, and rarely over-analyze anything. They know who they are, what they want, and spend their lives working to achieve it.</div>
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On the other hand, the secret rooms of others contain a reality that is altogether out of line with who they appear to be on the outside. It's possible to maintain this deficit for a while. Some do so for months, years, or even decades. Inevitably, the conflict between your inner and outer self will eventually reach its boiling point. When this happens, something extreme must occur to restore the balance. We commonly refer to this phenomenon as a "mid-life crisis." Trust me, it <i>will</i> happen at some point, it's only a matter of when. It's not necessarily a bad thing. It's just what happens when we deny ourselves what we truly want for too long. </div>
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You will know if your secret room is too far out of sync with your outer self. You will feel it in your soul. It will feel restless the way your legs do when you've been in the car on a twelve hour road trip. It will feel hungry and unsatisfied, like eating candy on an empty stomach. It will feel confined and compressed like your waistline in a pair of too-tight jeans. That's the real you, scratching furiously at the surface, trying to get out and breathe. </div>
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If you feel this way, it's probably not your fault. From the time we are old enough to speak, we are under an unbelievable amount of pressure to comport ourselves in a way that is dictated by those that surround us. Today, with social media at an all-time peak, not only are we influenced by those in physical proximity to us, we are told how we should be by everyone in our worldwide cyber network. God forbid the people of the internet disapprove of our life choices! The disparity between representation and reality that I've seen on Facebook is astounding. </div>
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Of course, this doesn't mean that you should post all of your business on the internet, or even tell other people all of your secrets. Everyone has a private self. It's normal and healthy. Obviously, we can't act on every single impulse we have. We can't just say everything that pops into our minds. We can't always have everything we want when we want it. Sacrifice is a part of daily survival, after all. But at some point, we will all have to reckon with the creatures we keep trapped in our rooms, lest they escape on their own terms. Some of us have mice. Others have dragons. What have you got locked up in your secret room?</div>
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Thanks for reading!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17099599187267036998noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7782274140565313888.post-40701844434752095772016-09-28T14:34:00.000-04:002016-10-11T10:26:14.316-04:00The Human Side of Bloodsuckers<center>
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Last week, I found out one of my favorite clients died.<br />
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It's not the first time it's happened, and it surely won't be the last. The phone call came at 9:30 on a Tuesday morning. I listened as my client's wife tearfully explained why he would not make his next court date. Instead of saying the things people are supposed to say to console someone when they've just lost a loved one, I briefly and formally expressed my sympathy, and then went straight into explaining the documentation that we would need from her in order to have his charges abated. If you'd been listening to me then and not understood the words I was saying, you'd notice no difference in my tone than if I'd been discussing a speeding ticket. However, on the inside, I felt like I'd just taken a punch to the gut. After the phone call ended, this client stayed on my mind for a while. It wasn't just because I hated the fact that he'd died. It was the way I'd reacted to hearing the news over the phone. Detached, logical, professional. On the inside, my heart ached for his wife, but my expression of that to her would have been inappropriate. I thought about how so many people see lawyers as cold, conniving, and selfish, and how much I hate that stereotype. I also thought about how based on the exchange I'd just had, I can kind of see why people think that.</div>
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<a name='more'></a>One of my best friends says that when it comes to writing, the material is all already in your mind. The challenge is simply to access it. Once you've done that, the words literally write themselves. The death of my client did that yesterday, opening the creative portal to my long-held desire to show the vulnerable, human side of the world's "coldest" profession. I've heard all of the lawyer jokes at least a dozen times. While I know most of them have a rational basis, I don't like the way they seem to portray us as psychopathic ice machines. That's why I'm giving an inside look today. If I can give even one person a new perspective on us, then my effort here will not have been wasted. </div>
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One of the most underrepresented bits of knowledge about us from outside the legal field is how much torture we've had to endure just to get here. We spend three to four years of our lives being worked to death and publicly humiliated in front of our peers on a regular basis. This supposedly prepares us to face intimidating judges in court for our clients without losing our composure. I've never felt as stupid and incompetent as I did while earning my law degree. On top of that, most of us have undertaken a huge financial risk just for the privilege of being there. Many of us will never be able to repay the money we've borrowed. What's worse is that making it through this vicious battle is not enough. A diploma is not a law license. If we want to actually be lawyers, we have to prove ourselves again to the board of law examiners. We must show that we can perform complex legal analysis under intense pressure for twelve solid hours by paying $825 to sit for what is arguably the hardest licensing exam in the United States. Each time it is given, only a little more than half of those who take it will pass.</div>
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Three days before the bar exam this past summer, I spent about an hour curled up in the fetal position on my couch in a full-on meltdown because I was terrified that I would fail and the pressure had finally gotten to me. As crazy as it sounds, that level of anxiety is what drove me to take the studying seriously enough to pass. I know for a fact that my experience with bar study was actually very common. Do I want you to feel sorry for me? Of course not. I signed up for this, after all. But don't think that lawyers don't know what it feels like to be the underdog. Some of the lowest points of my life were experienced while studying for the bar. Lawyers are all very familiar with what it's like to feel overworked, tired, abused, unappreciated, and insecure. In a strange way, that's a big part of what bonds us together. We've literally put ourselves through hell just for the privilege of being allowed to offer you a legal service.<br />
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Another huge misconception about attorneys is that we are all rich. I understand where the idea comes from. Television and other media outlets tend to portray lawyers as rolling in cash while gouging poor clients who can barely pay their rent. The irony is that the one who most likely can't pay his rent is the attorney. As I mentioned before, most of us have undertaken enormous student loans to attend law school. Combine that with the current market being saturated with attorneys, and you get a bunch of poor souls with massive debt, no clients, and no jobs. I know attorneys who are working for free just to get experience. I also know attorneys who work for free for clients who need help but can't pay. </div>
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Getting paying clients is the primordial dilemma for any business. Attorneys have to follow more rules than any other field with respect to how they are allowed to market, yet seem to be the most harshly criticized for actually doing so. I once worked for a firm that did direct mail marketing (basically the only way attorneys are allowed to directly solicit clients.) One of the recipients returned our marketing letter, unopened, with the following largely written in all caps along the top of the envelope: RETURN TO BLOODSUCKER.</div>
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What this person didn't know is that the owner of the firm hadn't paid himself in over six months so that he would be able to pay his staff. He didn't know that we were paying hundreds of dollars per month just for access to the marketing data, $1.74 in supplies and postage to get the letter to him, plus the hourly rate of the person who actually printed and stuffed the letter. My intent here is not to solicit sympathy. Business is business and it's a tough, capitalist world out there. I'm merely trying to show that we have to chase the dollar every day just like the rest of the world. There is no bad-faith or abnormality in our (sometimes desperate) attempts at getting business so we can pay our rent. The only difference is that when we do it, people seem to get angry with us.</div>
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I won't lie and say that money isn't one of the reasons I decided to become a lawyer. Of course I want to make a good living. We all do. Why else would anyone undertake such a challenging and stressful career? That being said, I do genuinely love helping people. Justice is one of the world's most ancient and precious gifts, after all. If you ask, most attorneys will tell you that they get just as much fulfillment from it as their clients, money aside.<br />
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In addition to thinking we bleed money, a lot of people also tend to think of lawyers as unemotional. I can certainly understand why it might seem that way. More often than not, people seek the help of attorneys during the most difficult situations in their lives. During a consult, it might seem like we are flippant about your situation and dismissive of details that affect you deeply. I assure you, that's not the case. It's just that those details probably don't have any legal significance. Feelings and opinions are colorful; the law is black and white. Part of our job is to separate the irrelevant facts from the relevant ones. It's what we are trained to do from the first day of law school. Try not to take it personally. Know that we take our job extremely seriously, and doing that often requires us to separate ourselves from our sentiments. Remember that a lawyer who is not in control of his emotions is a danger and a liability in the court room. </div>
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Besides not showing emotion, many attorneys have mastered the art of not showing stress. This too, is by necessity. A jury is not likely to be persuaded by an attorney who is visibly anxious or insecure. This doesn't mean we aren't anxious and insecure. We just can't show it. The legal profession is arguably one of the most stressful in the world. Not only do you have to make your case, you have to do it while your colleague, who has the same training and education as you, tries their best to discredit all of your arguments. We're all just doing our jobs, folks.<br />
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When you hire an attorney, you pay for peace of mind. Your stress doesn't just disappear when you hire an lawyer. It is <i>absorbed</i>. Imagine not only worrying about your problems, but worrying about dozens of peoples' problems at the same time. It gets to you after a while. I know of plenty of attorneys who have struggled with substance abuse and serious depression. There's a reason we have one of the highest rates of alcoholism. I've taken client problems home in my mind on many occasions. At the end of the day, we are all just people too. We worry. We struggle. We stress. We doubt ourselves. And we care when our clients die. </div>
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As always, thanks for reading!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17099599187267036998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7782274140565313888.post-69481263723880929332016-09-06T13:55:00.000-04:002016-10-11T10:26:35.908-04:00Labor Day Weekend Getaway in the Great Smokies<center>
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Disclosure: I had just wiped out in front of about 20 people when this photograph was taken. Have you ever seen anyone who looks this happy after they've just fallen flat on their a$$? Neither have I. That's the magic of the Great Smoky Mountains. But let's start from the beginning....</div>
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<b><u><span style="font-size: large;">Why the Great Smokies?</span></u></b></div>
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James and I hadn't originally planned to go to the mountains. Like the rest of the traveling populace, we had planned a beach vacation, specifically to the Outer Banks of North Carolina. But the world had other plans in store for us. I'm looking at you, Hermine. </div>
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Torrential downpour and 80 mph winds didn't seem like the best way to introduce James to the majestic beaches of North Carolina. The night before we were supposed to head to Ocracoke Island, we got an email notification that the island was being evacuated, and no visitors would be allowed. So, I had to do something that James is great at but I'm terrible at: I had to be flexible and spontaneous. At 10:00 p.m., I was frantically searching the internet for vacancies in an attempt to salvage our "holiday" that I'd taken off work for. I knew we needed to go in the opposite direction from the storm, so I began searching westward, when I randomly stumbled upon a vacancy at <a href="http://whisperwoodretreat.com/">Creekwalk Inn</a>, a small bed and breakfast in Cosby, TN. It turned out to be one of the best split-second decisions I've ever made. </div>
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<b><u><span style="font-size: large;">Creekwalk Inn</span></u></b></div>
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First and foremost, we did the best we could, but the pictures simply don't do this place justice. I'd been to the Great Smokies several times before, but this was a whole new experience. This is as "authentic" as it gets in terms of mountain living. For example, the property owners have horses grazing freely throughout the farm, so in order to get in, you actually have to open and shut the gate!</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This was the check-in cabin, and is also where the owners actually live. </td></tr>
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The maximum capacity here is twenty-two people. Each room is authentically decorated. The main lodge has seven rooms, and then there are several free-standing cabins for rent as well. We lucked out and got one of those, which had its own hot tub. Walking into these rooms was like being on the set of a film. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our cabin</td></tr>
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You were also allowed to build a fire if you wanted. Since James and I are both pyromaniacs, we took full advantage of this privilege every single day. </div>
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<b><u><span style="font-size: large;">Creekwalk Inn Proper: The Main Lodge</span></u></b></div>
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This was my favorite building on the grounds. This is where breakfast is served every morning, and it's full of beautifully decorated rooms with endless things to look at. I think I saw something new every day. Janice, the owner, probably thought we were a little creepy with all the photos we were taking of the interior, but we couldn't help ourselves. </div>
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Speaking of Janice: Janice Haynes, the owner/operator of <a href="http://whisperwoodretreat.com/">Creekwalk Inn</a>, is without a doubt the heart and soul of the place. She went above and beyond to make sure we had an absolutely wonderful stay. Did I mention she is an amazing cook? She didn't make breakfasts for us. She made feasts. I'm pretty sure I put on about ten pounds this weekend. </div>
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As soon as we arrived, Janice, upon learning that James is English, insisted on making him a cup of tea, which happened to be the first he's had since leaving the U.K.! </div>
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Also, James made friends with Janice's dog, Tycho, who hung out with us a lot over the weekend!</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><u>Creekside Inn: The Food</u></b></span></div>
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I don't think I need to say much here, because the pictures speak for themselves. Suffice it to say that we ate enough breakfast every morning to last us until dinner!</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><u>What We Did: Day 1</u></b></span></div>
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We decided straight away that we didn't want to do a lot of Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge stuff. We came to the mountains to get away from the madness, after all! On the first day, we set off for the Great Smoky Mountains National Park in search of the famous "Midnight Hole" Janice had told us about. </div>
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Just the entrance area to the park was one of the most beautiful things I'd ever seen. Seriously, everyone should come here at least once in their life. There's just nothing else like it. Every ten steps is a new photo op. </div>
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This picture really speaks to my ability to multi-task. I took this picture, while at the same time having a heart-attack because I didn't want James to fall. As I was listening to his photography instructions, I was also working out how I was going to explain to his family back in England that he had somehow managed a traumatic head injury during our weekend getaway. Luckily, he ended up not falling, so I didn't have to think about it anymore. As we later found out, James wasn't the "fall-er" out of the two of us. </div>
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After a 1.5 mile hike, we made it to Midnight Hole, a natural swimming hole. Lots of people were wading, jumping into the water from high rocks, and sunning themselves on the shoals. Even toddlers were bouncing around on the rocks. All I can say is that they must have all had webbed feet with suctions on the bottom, because the rocks were very slippery. I know this because I slipped on them, just walking in 3 inches of water, and fell all the way down, into the freezing cold water in front of dozens of onlookers. Miraculously, I was not injured. </div>
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The last stop on the hiking tour was Mouse Ear Falls, pictured here. It's beautiful, but after the shenanigans at Midnight Hole, it was a little anticlimactic. I think we spend about 4 seconds here. The hot tub and campfire were calling our names.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><u>What we did: Day 2</u></b></span></div>
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On our second day, we decided to go to Cades Cove, because James really really REALLY wanted to see a bear. From the second I mentioned that black bears are all over the Great Smokies on the way in the car, he was on a mission to see one in the wild. Cades Cove is a great place to go if you want to be active or lazy, because you can drive your car through a scenic 11-mile loop, or you can bike it, or you can hike any of the numerous other hiking trails there. We went for the lazy option. </div>
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I sat on my sunglasses and broke them after getting out of the car for this shot. </div>
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This sign did not deter James, who was determined to see a bear. </div>
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We did end up seeing a bear, and it's on video, but very hard to see if you don't know what you're looking for. However, James was satisfied with that, so we then retired back to Creekwalk. </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><u>Saying Goodbye</u></b></span></div>
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Our last morning before leaving, the horses wandered extra close to us, and James did a "horse selfie." James is now a horse whisperer.</div>
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Janice took a picture of us on the "magic carpet" before we left. </div>
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If you've never been to the Great Smoky Mountains, add it to your bucket list. You won't regret it. If you are looking for an amazing "authentic" mountain retreat, we highly recommend <a href="http://whisperwoodretreat.com/">Creekwalk Inn</a>. There are tons of amazing parts of it that I haven't even shown here because this post is already too long with too many photos. It's very reasonably priced, and close to all of the attractions in the area without being in the middle of the madness that is Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg. We can't wait to go back!</div>
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As always, thanks for reading!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17099599187267036998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7782274140565313888.post-78936323681634210752016-08-12T10:29:00.000-04:002016-10-11T10:57:33.899-04:00Stop Being the Secretary of your Life and Start Being the CEO<center>
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First and foremost, there's nothing wrong with being a secretary. I've been one myself for the past 10 years. Most secretaries I know are essentially the "right hands" of their bosses. I'd hate to think what would happen to corporate America if all of the secretaries of the world suddenly disappeared. An amusing image of men in $5000 suits flummoxed by a copy machine comes to mind, but I digress... The point is, secretaries are not the bosses. They do <strike>a lot</strike> most of the hard work, but they don't get to call the shots. Ultimately, the final word is not theirs. </div>
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On the other hand, no matter what your job is, whether you are a day laborer or a neurosurgeon, you <b><i>are</i></b> the CEO of your own life. Strangely, it's become apparent to me lately that many of us don't live this way. Many of us let other people dictate what we do, and how we live our lives. Too many of us don't even know what it is that we really want. What's most interesting is those who most often try and tell us what we ought to be doing don't pay a single one of our bills. We're signing the checks, yet we're the ones taking the orders. What sense does that make?</div>
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As some of you may know, I've recently graduated law school. (Hence the lack of posting lately.) At some point over the summer while studying corporate structure and management for the NC bar exam, I had this epiphany where I began to think of my life as my very own company. That then led me to consider who was actually the one managing it. I may or may not have had to do a little bit of restructuring. ;-) </div>
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I found thinking of my life in this way to be very refreshing. It gave me a whole new perspective. It empowered me to regain a degree of control that had been lost somewhere along the way. I feel that I've now become the master of my life instead of being enslaved by it. Since it occurred to me that maybe my idea could do the same for someone else, I've taken the liberty of organizing my thoughts on the matter and presenting them here: </div>
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<b><u><span style="font-size: large;">'Incorporate' Your Life: A Step by Step Guide </span></u></b></div>
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<b><u>1. Know what is at stake.</u></b></div>
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Understand that life is a live-action show whose debut is also it's finale. There are no dress rehearsals. There are no do-overs. There are no bail-outs. There are no bankruptcies. The good of the corporation (you) has to come over everything else. Your health is your bottom line and your happiness is your profit. The energy you expend to accomplish both is your capital contribution. Always make sure you're running your corporation in the black and never in the red. </div>
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<b><u>2. Create your corporate charter.</u></b> </div>
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Figure out what's most important to you. Really think about it long and hard. Next, decide exactly what you will need to do to get it, whatever it is. Write it down. Make it your <b>number one</b> priority. Look at it every single day. This is your corporate mission. From this point on, Everything you do should be in line with it. </div>
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<b><u>3. Run and analyze reports often.</u></b> </div>
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A good CEO is always in tune with the financial well-being of his company. Take at least a few minutes every single day to review your accounting and make sure that the things you're putting all your effort into are part of your corporate mission. If you've been spending all of your time on <i>ultra vires* </i>activity, then you're acting outside the authority granted by your corporate charter. You are breaching your duty of loyalty to your corporation. It happens to all of us at some point. The sooner you realize it, the sooner you can get yourself back in check.</div>
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<b><u>4. Think things through.</u></b></div>
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When faced with a big decision, take time to think of the absolute worst thing that could happen if that decision ends up being the wrong one. Is your corporation healthy enough to recover from a bad career change, a broken heart, or a major financial loss? Have you sufficiently protected your most rudimentary assets? (Your education, your basic ability to provide for yourself, your emotional support system?)</div>
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Next, consider what could happen if the decision turns out to be lucrative. Could the potential profits really make your company take off? Could you find yourself in your dream job? With your soul mate? Accumulating great wealth? Decide if the potential rewards outweigh that risk and act accordingly. </div>
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CEOs do this on a regular basis. Calculated risks are the key to success. A company that never takes risks probably won't ever see anything more than marginal growth, if any, over a long period of time. The difference is that while the corporate entity perpetually survives the death of its incorporator(s), your corporation will automatically dissolve upon your passing. Time is of the essence.</div>
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<b><u>5. Organize your corporate management structure.</u></b></div>
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Designate a few people you respect and make an agreement with yourself that you will trust, or at least seriously consider their opinions and advice. Choose them very carefully. Then promote them to your board of directors. This is your company's panel of most trusted advisers. Run all of your major life decisions by them. Ruminate carefully over their feedback before you act. </div>
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As for all of the other people in your life, relegate them as staff. While you may listen to their commentaries, how much weight you give them should be as varied and ephemeral as the topic of discussion. Dismiss negativity swiftly. Embrace positivism with caution. Remember, these are <b><i>not</i></b> your most trusted advisers. As long as their presence in your life contributes to the good of your corporation, keep them on board. But if at any point it doesn't, fire them immediately. You owe it to your company to cut your losses and drop the dead weight.</div>
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<b><u>6. Know your own authority.</u></b></div>
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Remember that you are the boss of your life, and everyone else in it works for you. Never forget this executive power that is yours and yours alone. At the end of the day, you get to call the shots. Every single one of them. If you're letting someone else call them for you, my advice to you is to do as follows: kindly remove them from your commander's seat, sit yourself into it, prop your feet on top of your desk, and, with a dismissive flick of your wrist, say, "Thank you, that will be all."</div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">*<i>ultra vires</i>: Latin, meaning "beyond the powers." Describes actions taken by government bodies or corporations that exceed the scope of power given to them by laws or corporate charters. </span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17099599187267036998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7782274140565313888.post-82556260733138889592015-11-09T10:06:00.000-05:002015-11-09T10:06:14.756-05:00Winter is Coming<center>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: blue;"><a href="https://www.francescas.com/product/easton-faux-fur-vest.do?sortby=ourPicks&refType=&from=fn&ecList=7&ecCategory=127333"><span style="color: blue;"><b>Vest</b></span></a><b> </b></span><span style="color: #666666;">(wearing size small)</span><span style="color: blue;">/ </span><b><i><span style="color: blue;"><a href="http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/vince-camuto-hillsy-almond-toe-ankle-bootie-women/4037728?cm_mmc=Google_Product_Ads_pla_online-_-datafeed-_-women%3Ashoes%3Aboots-_-1117426&amp%3Bcountry=US&amp%3Bcurrency=USD&mr%3AreferralID=92a498ee-86f0-11e5-a012-005056947d48&gclid=CjwKEAiApYGyBRC-g_jIstuduV8SJABCEzhZl_O7LdoFpnE2mzWHqOOzP9c4DJjnf3s2hMUNzB9MpBoCwdnw_wcB"><span style="color: blue;">Boots</span></a></span><span style="color: blue;"> </span></i></b><span style="color: #666666;">(They run small. Size up a half size!)</span><span style="color: blue;">/</span><span style="color: blue;"><a href="http://www.hsn.com/products/serena-williams-convertible-poncho-top/7775685"><span style="color: blue;"><b>Top</b></span></a></span><span style="color: blue;"> </span><span style="color: #666666;">(wearing s</span></span><b style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><span style="color: #666666;">ize small)</span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: blue;">/</span></span><span style="color: #666666;">Bag (vintage) </span><span style="color: blue;"><a href="http://www.belk.com/AST/Main/Belk_Primary/PRD~26008722437/SPANX+Ready+to+Wow++Faux+Leather+Legging.jsp?navPath=Handbags_And_Accessories/Shop/Hosiery/Leggings&cm_mmc=Search%20-%20Google-_-PLA%20Basic%20Campaign-_-PLA%20Primary%20AdGroup-_-AutoTargets&kpid=0438523476000&gclid=CjwKEAiApYGyBRC-g_jIstuduV8SJABCEzhZMluDouGO4Ejz-3ptiuJKvfshfK4fKSbqNyStBxnWEhoCw07w_wcB"><span style="color: blue;">Leggings</span></a> </span></i></b><b style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><span style="color: #666666;"><span style="color: #666666;">(wearing size medium</span><span style="color: #666666;">)</span></span></i></b><b style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><span style="color: blue;"><span style="color: blue;">/</span><a href="http://www.alexandani.com/fringe-earrings-russian-silver.html?srccode=cii_17588969&cpncode=40-100433781-2&utm_source=google&utm_medium=shopping&utm_campaign=VE258RS" style="color: blue;">Earrings</a><span style="color: blue;">/ </span><span style="color: blue;"><a href="https://www.etsy.com/listing/235531458/vertical-bar-necklace-long-line-minimal?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=shopping_us_c-jewelry-necklaces-chains&utm_custom1=a39f6131-16c2-453f-9b69-d062c323efad&gclid=CjwKEAiApYGyBRC-g_jIstuduV8SJABCEzhZygPY8ta6OBAOcKVSA1wTQxxXzXUkpJvdiPopPXOMUxoCSRzw_wcB">necklace</a></span><span style="color: blue;"> </span></span><span style="color: #666666;">(similar)</span></i></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">*If you need a size comparison, see all of my measurements <a href="http://danastonestyle.blogspot.com/p/blog-page.html"><span style="color: blue;">here</span></a>.</span></center>
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This is a compilation of several things I have been wearing non-stop this fall. I picked up this vest about a month ago and I have been wearing it all the time! I get so many compliments on it. This top is also super flattering and super comfortable. I have it in three colors! These basic black booties are also easy to wear all day and they go with everything. The only different thing I'm wearing than usual are these coated leggings! I love that they have the look of leather with the comfort of a legging. Plus, they are control top! They were a little expensive, but I know they will be worn for several years. As you can see, Fancy, my new cat, wanted to get in on the pictures, so who was I to say no? I hope everyone has a great week!</div>
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I adopted Fancy last week from a great shelter called <a href="https://www.secondchancenc.org/"><span style="color: blue;"><b><i>Second Chance Pet Adoptions</i></b></span></a>. When I met her, I knew we were perfect for each other and she has been an absolute joy ever since! Cats make the perfect companion for a busy person who may not have time to take care of a dog. If you've been thinking about adopting a pet, before buying an animal, check your local shelters. There are tons of animals out there who need good homes. I highly recommend Second Chance!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17099599187267036998noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7782274140565313888.post-2240170319693526502015-10-29T10:10:00.000-04:002015-10-29T10:15:04.391-04:00Road Trip Outfit<center>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZElMDXCwXX25eix2XYFr-XfrGC0frIFq5p__PMK38T18acs-coPP2_HxwIhjb4gT3Dv05QCWW_V6wfV-o0yI3-LboiRMl4AevU_OhvJeJ8SNYevjm3KEv8ziAqjVjWu_cC36vjungMWat/s1600/FullSizeRender+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZElMDXCwXX25eix2XYFr-XfrGC0frIFq5p__PMK38T18acs-coPP2_HxwIhjb4gT3Dv05QCWW_V6wfV-o0yI3-LboiRMl4AevU_OhvJeJ8SNYevjm3KEv8ziAqjVjWu_cC36vjungMWat/s640/FullSizeRender+%25281%2529.jpg" width="479" /></a></div>
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<b style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><a href="http://www.vinnielouise.com/products/milly-tunic-dress-heather-grey"><span style="color: blue;">Dress</span></a><span style="color: #666666;">(wearing size medium)</span><span style="color: blue;">/</span><a href="http://www.kohls.com/product/prd-1767393/dana-buchman-ballet-flats-women.jsp?ci_mcc=ci&utm_campaign=MISSES%20SHOES&utm_medium=CSE&utm_source=google&utm_product=95338513&CID=shopping15&ci_src=17588969&ci_sku=95338513&gclid=CjwKEAjwh8exBRDyyqqH9pvf1ncSJAAu4OE3enmvRSUzkEVg4jVBmuFX-_ef-V-wpudgiChyVPFn3RoCurPw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds&dclid=CLemktPp58gCFcgGNwod1MYJ3w"><span style="color: blue;">Shoes</span></a><span style="color: blue;"> </span><span style="color: #666666;">(They run small. Size up a half size!)</span><span style="color: blue;">/</span><a href="http://www.garageclothing.com/us/the-military-parka/p/prod990070"><span style="color: blue;">Jacket</span></a><span style="color: blue;"> </span><span style="color: #666666;">(wearing size Medium)</span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: blue;">/</span></span><span style="color: #666666;">Bag (old) </span><span style="color: blue;">t</span><a href="http://www.belk.com/AST/Main/Belk_Primary/PRD~2600536BWW4559/Bueno+Four+Poster+Tote.jsp?isFromBoutique=true&boutiquePage=true&ZZ%3C%3EtP=4294923540+4294942430+130&ZZ_PO=0&fO=AND%28Category_Path%2CNOT%28P_IS_PRODUCT_SEARCHABLE%3AN%29%29&ZZ_OPT=Y&PRODUCT%3C%3Eprd_id=845524442435277&FOLDER%3C%3Efolder_id=2534374302036995&bmUID=l2EcXix&changeViewInd=y" style="color: blue;"><span style="color: blue;">his year's version</span></a><span style="color: blue;"> /<a href="http://www.alexandani.com/fringe-earrings-russian-silver.html?srccode=cii_17588969&cpncode=40-100433781-2&utm_source=google&utm_medium=shopping&utm_campaign=VE258RS" style="color: blue;">Earrings</a>/ <a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/Silver-Vintage-Style-Key-necklace-double-side-key-long-chain-necklace-big-key-/221925345627?hash=item33abc8095b:g:X~QAAOSw9r1V9j1w" style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: blue;">necklace</span></a> </span><span style="color: #666666;">(similar)</span></i></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">*If you need a size comparison, see all of my measurements <a href="http://danastonestyle.blogspot.com/p/blog-page.html"><span style="color: blue;">here</span></a>.</span></center>
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If you had told me two years ago that I would be wearing a field jacket with a dress and dangle earrings, I probably would have laughed out loud! Ironically, field jackets have definitely turned into one of the hottest trends for the fall! I got this one a few weeks ago and I've already worn it several times. It's perfect for the cool mornings we've had lately. I kept my outfit comfortable today, because this afternoon my aunt and I are embarking on a road trip to Rome, Georgia for the weekend! We don't have a lot planned, but that's fine with me. I'm just excited to have a break from law school and work to spend time with family. I hope everyone has a great weekend!<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17099599187267036998noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7782274140565313888.post-25521243543544589292015-10-28T12:20:00.000-04:002015-10-29T11:09:01.828-04:00Buffalo Check Dress<center>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeDtRJrcHZe9jegSMTcvINtQ3zJkc6OM7wbppcyC152ivXeuev9LK2hiZPG1Hk9fbXUvteV0BipU1w93H4qZuPxhsQjIhaN3oMlooSbPJCN71Y5_AEhyM8Rl6a-gNAnAwqfxnyLhkvVJsp/s1600/IMG_4868.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeDtRJrcHZe9jegSMTcvINtQ3zJkc6OM7wbppcyC152ivXeuev9LK2hiZPG1Hk9fbXUvteV0BipU1w93H4qZuPxhsQjIhaN3oMlooSbPJCN71Y5_AEhyM8Rl6a-gNAnAwqfxnyLhkvVJsp/s640/IMG_4868.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><i><a href="http://www.bluechicboutique.com/collections/dresses/products/pretty-in-plaid-dress-red-1" style="color: blue;"><span style="color: blue;">Dress</span></a><span style="color: #666666;">(wearing size medium)</span><span style="color: blue;">/</span><a href="http://www.thelimited.com/product/substantial-opaque-tights/1631020.html?cgid=legwear-hosiery&prefn1=saleStatus&dwvar_1631020_colorCode=150&start=7&prefv1=regular&ppid=c7" style="color: blue;"><span style="color: blue;">Tights</span></a><span style="color: blue;"> </span><span style="color: #666666;">(wearing size M/L)</span><span style="color: blue;"> /</span><a href="http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/vince-camuto-hillsy-almond-toe-ankle-bootie-women/4037728?cm_mmc=Google_Product_Ads_pla_online-_-datafeed-_-women:shoes:boots-_-1117426&gclid=Cj0KEQjw5MGxBRDiuZm2icXX2-sBEiQA619bqxB9MC_w755z5-Wb1cWozylxjoWEe7Iml0y4UUJpb2saAhe48P8HAQ&mr:referralID=bf0254d0-7d8d-11e5-a824-0050569406b5" style="color: blue;"><span style="color: blue;">Booties</span></a><span style="color: blue;"> </span><span style="color: #666666;">(They run small. Size up a half size!)</span><span style="color: blue;">/</span><a href="http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/style-co.-faux-leather-moto-jacket?ID=2291854&CategoryID=120&swatchColor=Deep%20Black#fn=sp%3D1%26spc%3D1%26slotId%3D1%26kws%3Dstyle%20and%20co%20black%20moto%20jacket" style="background-color: white; color: blue;">Jacket</a><span style="color: blue;"> </span><span style="color: #666666;">(wearing XS - Size down!)</span><span style="color: blue;">/</span><span style="color: blue;"><a href="http://www.belk.com/AST/Main/Belk_Primary/PRD~2601315A5GJH001/Calvin+Klein+Basic+Infinity+Scarf.jsp?navPath=Handbags_And_Accessories/Shop/Accessories/ScarvesWraps/ColdWeather&cm_mmc=Search%20-%20Google-_-PLA%20Basic%20Campaign-_-PLA%20Primary%20AdGroup-_-AutoTargets&kpid=0438539929125&gclid=Cj0KEQjw5MGxBRDiuZm2icXX2-sBEiQA619bq8Dq-izjX9Q-IPVdZoVIzB4GwBhRv_3NcE4lVngHI9waAseU8P8HAQ" style="color: blue;">Scarf</a></span></i></b></span></center>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;"> </span><span style="text-align: left;"> </span><span style="font-size: xx-small; text-align: left;">*If you need a size comparison, see all of my measurements <a href="http://danastonestyle.blogspot.com/p/blog-page.html"><span style="color: blue;"><b>here</b></span></a></span><span style="text-align: left;">.</span><div style="text-align: left;">
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As many of you have probably noticed, I'm back to blogging a little more regularly now. I totally didn't realize how much I had missed it! Unfortunately, my schedule at this point basically prevents me from EVER having time to do a real "shoot" with a photographer. However, I STILL have outfits that I want to share. The other day, I was looking at one of my favorite blogs, <a href="http://www.thesweetestthingblog.com/"><span style="color: magenta;"><b><i>The Sweetest Thing</i></b></span></a>. (she's awesome, by the way, you should totally check her out!) I realized that my FAVORITE posts she does are actually her Instagram roundups, where she showcases quick shots of several of her outfits from the week. That made me realize that more than super-high-quality beautiful artistic photography, (the fluff) most of you (like me) just care about the actual outfits. (the substance) I decided I will give you just that. With the help of my selfie stick, I give you: All substance, and absolutely NO fluff! LOL It's kind of hard for me as a blogger, since bloggers take so much pride in how their blog posts look, and the photography aspect can be really important. Even taking that into account, I decided to make a sacrifice, because I NEED to blog. Blogging makes me happy. So expect more of these type posts! Enjoy!</div>
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Do you not just LOVE this dress? Buffalo print is one of my favorite prints this fall. I love how you can make the "lumberjack" print look feminine and edgy! The best part is that this dress was only $36.00!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17099599187267036998noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7782274140565313888.post-61948158988063389282015-10-22T10:22:00.000-04:002016-10-11T10:27:02.649-04:00Why You'll Never Be Happy No Matter What You Do<center>
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In 1998, I completed an assignment for my seventh grade health education class where I was asked to write a short paragraph about what I hoped to accomplish by the time I turned thirty. The point of the assignment was to teach young people how to set long-term goals. Common responses revealed that the majority of my classmates hoped to be: 1) college graduates; 2) married; and 3) the owners of a nice home. Ever the non-conformist, I wrote that when I was thirty years old, I just hoped that I was "happy."</div>
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My generation is mostly made up of the children of baby boomers. Referred to by many as "the entitled generation," we were born into a healthy economy full of promise. We were told by our parents and teachers that we could be anything we wanted to be, that the world was ours for the taking. We were also told that above all, the most important thing in life was "to be happy."<br />
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This idea stuck. Hard. Young adults all over the country began abandoning all notions of good sense to "chase their dreams." Kids were dropping out of college to become artists, musicians, and freelance writers. Empowerment and self-love propaganda dominated all educational media outlets. From the time we were kindergartners, my generation was made to believe that we were the smartest, most special, deserving, wonderful things in the entire world and that we should never settle for any way of life that didn't make us feel special and wonderful all of the time. </div>
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Relationship advice we received in middle and high school taught us that we should immediately break up with anyone who ever pissed us off for any reason. If they were right for us, they would magically understand us perfectly and would never dream of treating us as anything less than the true princesses we were. We were taught that every single girl is entitled to her very own five-figure fantasy dream wedding regardless of the financial resources available. We were taught that anyone who won't hire us has failed to appreciate the unique brilliance that seeps from our very pores, and is therefore unworthy of the honor of having us under their humble employ. Essentially, we were taught that we deserve the world, and anything bad that ever happens to us is not our fault. </div>
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Experience has shown me that although many are not willing to admit it, the majority of my peers still buy into this school of thought. Yet hardly any of them seem happy. So what gives?</div>
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Although my response to my middle school assignment seemed pretty clever to me when I wrote it, there was one thing 13-year-old Dana did not understand. In fact, it's something many people never understand, and something that, thanks to the misguided notions of contemporary culture, took me almost twenty years to figure out. The concept is surprisingly quite simple. Once I realized and accepted it, I experienced the most intensely liberating relief. Are you ready to hear my gospel? </div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">I am not happy. I will never be happy, because there is no way to "be" happy.</span></b></div>
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Before you protest, bear with me. I promise it will make sense at the end.</div>
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After years of mental anguish, I came to realize the reason why I could never find anything that made me happy for very long. The problem with the "be happy" philosophy is that it bases itself on a fundamentally flawed understanding of what happiness actually is. The philosophy construes happiness as a <b><i>characteristic</i></b>, and in doing so, it creates an expectation of permanence for something that is ephemeral by nature. Happiness, just like anger, fear, and excitement, is nothing more than a <b><i>temporary</i></b> <b><i>emotional state</i></b>. Any attempt to make the feeling of happiness last forever will inevitably fail.</div>
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Emotions are the highly effective tools your brain uses to persuade you to do things that it thinks (no pun intended) will benefit your health and the survival of your species. Different emotions are produced when your brain releases one or more specialized chemicals. Which chemical(s) get(s) released depends on the particular stimulus. For example, if your brain senses a threat to your safety, it releases epinephrine, or "adrenaline" to give you the strength and state of mind to either fight off the danger or escape. When your brain senses that you have found a potential sex partner, it releases testosterone and oestrogen, with the ultimate goal of coercing your body into reproduction. When our bodies need to rest, our brain releases melatonin to make us drowsy. When our brain thinks we need more food, it releases ghrelin. When it decides we've eaten enough, it releases leptin.</div>
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The feeling we recognize as happiness is experienced in the brain in several different ways. When your brain recognizes that you have gotten or achieved something you wanted, it releases dopamine, the reward chemical. When you hold your baby or embrace your spouse, your brain releases oxytocin, the bonding chemical, which makes you more likely to take care of your baby and stay with your romantic partner. When you engage in an activity that requires a lot of physical exertion, your brain releases endorphins, which give you the sensation of "painlessness." </div>
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Happiness feels good for a reason. From a biological standpoint, in rewarding you for behaviors it views as beneficial to your survival, your brain must make enough of an impression on you so that once the emotion passes, (and it always will) you will still remember how good it felt. If successfully done, the result will leave you motivated to do whatever it takes to feel that way again. The "be happy" mentality misconstrues our interpretation of the human brain's natural reward system. Instead of teaching us to gracefully weather our inevitably changing moods, it propels us blindly down the path of a never-ending, doomed quest for that one elusive person, place, job, or thing that will finally give us that eternal bliss we have been taught to seek.</div>
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The "be happy" philosophy ignores the fact that <b><i>all</i></b> chemicals, including the ones that make us feel happy, are released only in limited quantities. Your brain spends twenty-four hours a day releasing different hormones in a highly specialized rhythm depending on what it thinks your body needs. No one's brain releases one particular motivational hormone all of the time, because it wouldn't be conducive to our survival. For example, if your brain released adrenaline all of the time, you would never be able to rest. If your brain released melatonin all of the time, you would be too sleepy to ever do anything. If you don't believe me, just ask anyone with a chemical imbalance. Chances are they'll tell you that for them, life is always tiring/painful/sad depending on what type of imbalance they have.</div>
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The happiness hormones are no different. That's why they can't be produced 100% of the time. If your body released dopamine all of the time, you would bask in a perpetual euphoric stupor and never be motivated to find your next meal, paycheck, or adventure. If your body released endorphins all of the time, you would have no way of knowing if you were injured or ill. If your body released oxytocin all of the time, you would never be able to separate yourself from your loved ones long enough to get anything done. </div>
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You can "feel" happy, in the same way you can feel afraid. On the other hand, trying to "be" happy is about as futile as trying to "be" surprised. No matter how successful you are in your career or how healthy your marriage is, there will <b><i>never </i></b>be a point in your life where you feel happy forever. You're not meant to. In fact, if you did, you would probably die. </div>
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Don't believe me? What if I told you that we already have plenty of real-life examples that offer conclusive evidence of this theory? As it so happens, there is one sector of the population that has achieved "being" happy. We commonly refer to them as junkies. Substances like heroin trick your brain into over-releasing endorphins, while crack-cocaine and crystal meth do the same with dopamine. Theoretically, as long as you can stay high, you will continue to "be" happy. The problem is that most drug addicts are extremely unhealthy because their brains have stopped chemically motivating them to do what their bodies need. Instead of telling them them to eat, sleep, or work, an addict's brain solely motivates them to get more drugs so they can force the release of the "feel-good" chemical again. After the first time, you won't have as much stored-up chemical left to release, so the highs will keep dwindling over time while more and more substance will be required to produce the same effect. As you can see, even if artificially induced, your body is incapable of sustaining the feeling of happiness forever. Try as we may to find it, there is no "hack" to the system of life's emotional roller-coaster. On the contrary, the roller-coaster is what actually keeps us alive.</div>
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Once you accept that you will never "be" happy, you can start to appreciate the emotional ups and downs of each day for what they are - strong behavioral suggestions. You will learn to recognize your feelings as being separate from your self. There will always be times when you won't feel happy. Next time you experience a negative emotion, instead of wallowing in your despair, try to decipher what your body is trying to tell you. What is it that your brain thinks your body needs? If it is something that your rational mind (which is totally separate from your emotional center) concludes is necessary, then try to think of how you might accomplish it. If your rational mind concludes that it isn't necessary for your well-being, then recognize that suggestion as being nothing more than a thought. Distinguish that thought from reality, and let it pass. Often it is necessary for our rational mind to override our emotional impulses. </div>
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My life is far from perfect. But it's a lot easier knowing that the idea of "happily ever after" is just that - an idea. I am not happy, and I am not sad. I'm just a person who sometimes feels happy and sometimes feels sad. I am not defined by my feelings. I am defined by how I allow them to manifest in my actions. My late grandfather often used to say, "Most people, given all the circumstances of their lives, are doing about the best they can do." I think he had the right idea. Instead of trying to find a way to be happy, just try to always do the best you can with what you've got. If you do this every day, you won't always be happy, but do you know what you will be? You will be <i><b>fine.</b></i></div>
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As always, thanks for reading!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17099599187267036998noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7782274140565313888.post-13336298724392549582015-10-15T19:55:00.000-04:002015-10-28T14:22:54.991-04:00Four ways working at Petco changed my life<center>
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As many of you know, I am expecting to graduate from law school in May, and part of the graduating process involves a duel to the death with the terrifying beast that we law students know as "the bar application." Comprising more than forty pages of inquiries and requiring the production of over twenty personal documents, it has a lot to do with why I haven't been blogging lately. </div>
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Amazingly enough, one thing in particular having to do with my bar application turned out to provide some unexpected inspiration for a blog post. The NC Board of Law Examiners requires each applicant to provide detailed information for every job they've ever had since the age of 18. Tackling this task forced me to remember minute details of days that have long since passed. This led me to reminisce about a job that I had all but forgotten about until now. Many of you will probably be surprised to know that during the fall and winter of 2008, I worked as a cashier at Petco.</div>
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I had a lot of fun there and worked with some great people. I also had my share of what I will refer to as "teaching experiences." Often life's most valuable lessons are learned under the most unlikely of circumstances. Here are four ways working at Petco changed my life: </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://southportplaza.wordpress.com/our-stores/petco/">Image Source</a></td></tr>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">1.<u> I learned to pick up gigantic rats with my bare hands.</u> </span></b> </div>
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When I started my job at Petco, I thought rats were disgusting, vile creatures. Not much has changed in that regard. The difference is that now, I am no longer afraid of them. </div>
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Petco is notoriously under-staffed. (I later came to learn that this was mostly due to corporate mandates that the manager couldn't control.) At any given time, there are probably only about 2-3 employees trying to hold together a 15,000 square foot store.</div>
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About a week into my employment, a man who looked like he had come straight from the set of <i>Sons of Anarchy</i> came in with his young son and requested to purchase a large rat. That particular night's shift consisted of me and one other guy. At the time, that employee (who shared my hatred of rats) happened to be conveniently elsewhere. I tentatively glanced around looking for him, but he was hidden somewhere deep within the bowels of the store, supposedly "unloading pallets." Unloading pallets mysteriously seemed to be the most important job in the entire store. But I digress...</div>
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I realized at that point that it had come down to me, one of Hell's Angels, and a glass tank full of large rats. I took a deep breath, gave my nicest smile, and said, "Of course, sir. Which one would you like?" In the kind of gruff, raspy voice that can only be achieved through decades of smoking unfiltered cigarettes, he replied, "Makes no difference. Rusty's pretty hungry, so he won't care." At that moment, the little boy with him must have felt it pertinent to elaborate. "Rusty's our snake," he piped in, nodding his head with a proud little grin.</div>
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I pursed my lips together and nodded silently as I apprehensively knelt down to the cabinet under the rat tank to retrieve a "size large" cardboard pet carrier. I clumsily assembled it into a little happy-meal-esque box adorned with Petco's trademark logo of a red puppy and a blue kitten lovingly snuggling each other. I held my breath, opened the lid to the tank, reached in, and closed my fingers securely around the tail of one large black rat. The rest happened quickly, but much to my relief, one large rat did indeed end up in the container. Meanwhile, all of my digits remained intact. </div>
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Having apparently been satisfied with the rat I selected, Hell's Angel paid cash for it, then happily left the store hand in hand with his son, whose excited gait gave the happy meal box he toted the slightest of swings as it transported its unsuspecting passenger off to the slaughter. </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>2. </b><b><u>I learned the true level to which some people obsess over their pets.</u> </b></span></div>
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Most everyone probably recalls the state of the economy in late 2008. Unemployment rates were at an all-time high in North Carolina. In fact, the recession was among the primary reasons I applied to work at Petco in the first place. Strangely enough, despite the economic downturn, the store I worked at showed consistent growth. Every single month. People couldn't make their house payments it seemed, but they could still find the money to purchase $15 dog toys and gourmet treats on a weekly basis. </div>
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The largest order I ever rang up totaled just over $800.00. What was even more remarkable about it than the total was the fact that the purchase was entirely composed of size extra-small doggie outfits. </div>
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Many people were living out of their cars during that time, yet I saw a family drop more than one hundred dollars on a delicate saltwater fish that would most likely die within a week. Very few people have the necessary equipment, knowledge, money, and time to keep exotic fish alive for very long. </div>
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On another occasion I watched a mother of two small children spend seventy dollars on a bag of premium organic dog food. Through the sliding glass doors, I watched her leave the store and load her baby and toddler into her ten-year-old, beat-up minivan. She then proceeded to the McDonald's drive-thru (which was across the parking lot) to purchase dinner for her family. </div>
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People routinely stole dog collars. Some actually took un-purchased flea treatments out of their packaging and dosed their animals right in the aisles. These things were done despite the security camera signs posted throughout the store. Elderly ladies would scour the shelves for cans of expired Fancy Feast, hoping for a deeply discounted price or a giveaway. I can't prove it, but I'm reasonably certain I once witnessed a bedraggled teenage boy steal a mouse from the cage and leave with it in his coat pocket,</div>
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It became clear to me during my time there that there are a considerable number of people in North Carolina who value their pets more than their financial security. Others care about their animals' health more than their own. Many routinely risk criminal prosecution to feed, collar, and medicate their dogs. I even suspect that there are a few who love their pets more than their human children.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>3. <u>I realized that one innocent mistake can lead to mass murder</u></b>. </span></div>
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One of the shifts I will never forget was what I refer to as "the night of the minnow massacre." Another employee (not me THANK GOD) accidentally skipped a step during his routine filter maintenance duty of the fish tanks. We became aware of his error about 30 minutes later, when someone noticed that nearly all of the minnows in a 75-gallon feeder tank were floating. With so many fish in a tank that size, if the filtration isn't working properly, the pH rises at the speed of light and the water becomes lethal to the fish<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">. </span></div>
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This happened at about seven o'clock on a Saturday night. (the busiest night of the week) Common sense would seem to indicate that the last thing you want a store full of customers to see in a pet store is a bunch of dead pets. For a moment, I thought my 20-year-old shift manager was going to have a conniption. He managed to get his wits about him though, and quickly repaired the mechanical problem. All hands were ordered on deck to remove and dispose of the dead fish before any more customers saw them. Wanting nothing more than to be the ever-obedient cashier, I frantically began scooping dead fish out of the tank with my bare hands, about ten at the time into a plastic container that looked just like the one pictured below. The putrid-smelling tank water ran down my arms as I worked, splashing my grossly over-sized work shirt (the store didn't have my size) and dribbling down to stain the men's Carrhart pants I had assumed ownership of while my then-husband was deployed to Iraq. Attractive, I know. Needless to say, this was not one of my finest moments. </div>
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Fifteen hand washes later, the slimy remnants of the dead minnows still coated my skin. And the smell. My God, the smell. I will never forget it. It seemed to have seeped though the pores of the skin on my hands and forearms, penetrating the flesh to settle deep within my very bones. My hands carried the odor of dead fish for about a week afterward. </div>
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What did I learn? Life is fragile, and death reeks.</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">4. <u>I realized how adorably cute mice are.</u> </span></b></div>
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I mentioned earlier how one of the worst things I had to do at Petco was handle the rats. Not surprisingly, I also had to handle mice. I can safely say that I learned enough about rodents to last a lifetime during that brief period of employment.</div>
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My work led me to discover that mice are the antithesis of rats. They are tiny, cute, and rarely ever bite. For $1.99, you could take home your very own mouse. As happy as I was to send rats straight down the path that ultimately leads into the bellies of reptiles, I hated selling mice to people if I knew they were going to feed them to snakes.</div>
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Sometimes, when the store was slow, I would open the mouse cage just to play with the mice. I even secretly designated a select few as my chosen favorites and offered them my protection, sneaking them treats and making sure they weren't sold to snake owners. </div>
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If you are considering a small, low-maintenance pet for a child, I highly recommend mice. Many people overlook them as an option. They are more intelligent and affectionate than hamsters, with a better temperament to boot. They rarely ever bite, and don't produce voluminous waste. (I became quite the expert on the amounts of excrement produced by different types of small mammals, you see.) They are a fraction of the cost of a hamster, and they don't smell nearly as much. Finally, it may sound a bit callous, but they aren't a long-term commitment like a dog, for example. If you take good care of them, you can expect to enjoy about two wonderful years together. If you go to a store and hold one sometime, you'll see what I mean.</div>
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As always, thanks for reading!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17099599187267036998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7782274140565313888.post-91247848246034683602015-08-13T10:43:00.000-04:002015-08-13T10:56:33.559-04:00That Day I decided to start a retirement account<center>
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<b>*I have not been compensated for writing this article in any way.* </b></div>
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It's no secret that <u><b><a href="http://danastonestyle.blogspot.com/2015/03/the-argument-for-financial-indulgence.html"><span style="color: blue;">I believe in financial indulgence</span></a></b></u>. As a proponent of YOLO, I rarely pass up opportunities to enjoy life. Besides, I work full time and attend law school at night. In light of that back-breaking schedule, it's pretty easy to convince myself that I deserve whatever particular thing it is that I want at any given moment in time where I happen to have the money to do/buy it. I have always found it draining to be around extremely frugal people. That level of self-denial just isn't in my nature. What's the point of working hard if I never get to splurge? But if I'm completely honest with myself, there's a much heavier reason I have a hard time tolerating tight folks: The staggering difference between their financial choices and mine hits a little too close to home.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me trying to remember why I went to law school when I get my student loan statement.<br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2202534/People-struggling-pay-loans-times-likely-mental-health-problems.html">Image Source</a></span></td></tr>
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Yes, I sure do love to spend money. But I am also a highly anxious person. For most of my adult life, that deadly combination has translated into a major shopping addiction. Will I ever change my habits? If I'm being completely honest with myself, probably not. As long as I work and have discretionary income, I will most likely continue to reward myself with material things that I feel I deserve. This is why I have long since accepted that my financial portfolio will never measure up to my more conservative counterparts. I decided a while back that being able to have more things and experiences NOW was more important to me than accumulating wealth for a future that is not guaranteed. However, that doesn't mean I don't still feel guilty about spending. It doesn't mean that I don't get heart palpitations when I think about my surmounting debt. It doesn't mean I don't feel the constant pressure to save. These insecurities seem to be exacerbated whenever I hang around my thrifty friends, which usually then leads me into my defensive soliloquy about how I <i><b>deserve</b></i> to have things. This brings me to the real point of this article, which is about how yesterday my perspective on all of the above changed significantly.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://www.neuropsychotherapist.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/">Image Source</a></span></td></tr>
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I met with an old friend (<i>he's</i> not old, we've just been friends for a long time) who is a financial adviser, and over a casual lunch discussion, I came to accept three things as truths:</div>
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1) I deserve to spend my money in any way that makes me happy.</div>
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2) The idea of financial security makes me happy.</div>
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3) It is possible to be financially indulgent and still have financial security. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://voxatl.com/tag/teens-saving-money/">Image Source</a></span></td></tr>
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While it may be obvious to some, the third one basically never occurred to me before this meeting. I always just assumed financial planning was an all-or-nothing deal. In my eyes, people fell into one of two categories:</div>
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1) Super responsible people with 401(k)'s, 403(b)'s IRA's, 529's, and all those other acronyms and numbers that don't sound nearly as exciting as a trip to Cancun or a new Kate Spade bag; or </div>
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2) Complete financial lushes who will always have exciting lives but will have to either (a) marry rich or (b) inherit rich in order to ever really have any money to speak of.</div>
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My assumption was that belonging to both categories was impossible. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This was my plan for being rich before Scott.<br />
<a href="http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/understanding-men/what-sugar-daddies-are-really-buying-freedom/" style="font-size: x-small;">Image Source</a></td></tr>
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My assumption was wrong. </div>
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You can totally do both. Will I build as much wealth as my friends who are maxing out their monthly contributions to their retirement accounts? Most likely not. <b>BUT</b>: I did learn that by contributing a very small amount of money that I probably won't even notice each month to a Roth IRA, I will eventually have a substantial amount of money saved. Basically, by giving up buying one article of clothing a month, I can make some kind of fiscal future for myself. Mind-blowing, I know. I guess I always just assumed I was just too far gone. But my friend told me, "No one is ever too far gone. There is always a solution to every financial problem." Which brings me to my friend, Scott, the financial adviser. The picture below is not actually a picture of Scott. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY5fn6n2MPmfb55Ng9Gf8rmAcAMmDfLZLzBSuXuBCrfb6UnYC4EcIqySrs7-qVuRrxCyce6Bgorx_p_C0FAajqPVZ5kUR9YHW4yneN3vn5W4XBTnOZvzi25qq5k1c_tBrlgM9QfNnfQFH3/s1600/17Lyn_Manning_Murrell_IMG_0314.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="382" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY5fn6n2MPmfb55Ng9Gf8rmAcAMmDfLZLzBSuXuBCrfb6UnYC4EcIqySrs7-qVuRrxCyce6Bgorx_p_C0FAajqPVZ5kUR9YHW4yneN3vn5W4XBTnOZvzi25qq5k1c_tBrlgM9QfNnfQFH3/s400/17Lyn_Manning_Murrell_IMG_0314.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is just how I used to picture financial advisers.<br />
<a href="http://www.hadleighhistory.org.uk/page_id__148.aspx">Image Source</a></td></tr>
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Even though I had never met with one, I always had an idea of what I thought financial advisers were like. I imagined them as crotchety old men who find joy in reprimanding young people for their frivolous ways. I also thought they were only interested in working with rich people. Neither of those assumptions turned out to be true. Scott and I have been friends for almost ten years. You would be hard-pressed to find somebody who describes him as uptight. During our entire conversation, I never once felt judged or belittled about my admittedly questionable financial habits. To tell you the truth, I feel like he genuinely wants me to have some money in my old age. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLfwdEjNB5UC36XOGvdu2hNOMqET7iIOG7DspeDnDDyjfl1EVO9Nt-lrjU4n9wi-UXhx3Mw48YpAdl_CBI7lpo70sYYKYaNrHCtbCrI5xZC1B3da2XGlydYiEKimVtMWTRTc3iIlRQIw99/s1600/700-00063684w.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="398" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLfwdEjNB5UC36XOGvdu2hNOMqET7iIOG7DspeDnDDyjfl1EVO9Nt-lrjU4n9wi-UXhx3Mw48YpAdl_CBI7lpo70sYYKYaNrHCtbCrI5xZC1B3da2XGlydYiEKimVtMWTRTc3iIlRQIw99/s400/700-00063684w.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Scott's vision for my future. </span><br />
<a href="http://www.masterfile.com/stock-photography/image/700-00063684/Portrait-of-Mature-Woman-Holding-Bags-of-Money" style="font-size: x-small;">Image Source</a></td></tr>
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Before meeting with him, I had always been supremely intimidated by the idea of "investing for retirement." By the end of lunch, not only had I realized "Hey! I can actually do this," I also felt the strangest sensation of relief from the financial worry demons that have been plaguing me since college. As corny as it sounds, in that moment I started taking control of my future. If, like me, you too feel that little twinge of guilt telling you that you need to take control of your financial situation, but you don't know who to go to, you can read all about him and how to contact<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> him </span><span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><a href="http://davidsruss.nm.com/"><span style="color: blue;"><b>here</b></span></a><b>. </b></span>He's also a lawyer, so you may be able to squeeze some free legal advice out of him, just FYI. Another plus to Scott is that he can actually explain the series finale of <i>LOST</i> to you which is pretty major if you really think about it. </div>
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<b><u>Bottom Line</u></b>: There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to managing money. What's right for one person may not make any sense at all for someone else. That being said, no matter what your lifestyle/financial circumstances are, keep these things in mind: </div>
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1) You are never too far gone to fix the problems.</div>
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2) It is possible to save a substantial amount of money over time without having to deny yourself most of the things that you want right now.</div>
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3) You will always feel better about money in general if you have some saved.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-p-cB6d5Kf2-VtFLRgDInnwad2CeCbWJPoYwPmm1Xw7IB_qZyxSTuLEBkexdU1MdXpH1rg58jsSBEpM4U4qXzV4_qj1hcPFVz8ddiAIwSXcinbYr7XTcDRqMSQQTjmhpM405xU2Cr-RmD/s1600/download.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-p-cB6d5Kf2-VtFLRgDInnwad2CeCbWJPoYwPmm1Xw7IB_qZyxSTuLEBkexdU1MdXpH1rg58jsSBEpM4U4qXzV4_qj1hcPFVz8ddiAIwSXcinbYr7XTcDRqMSQQTjmhpM405xU2Cr-RmD/s640/download.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is the face of someone with a retirement account.<br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://money.usnews.com/money/blogs/outside-voices-careers/2014/08/07/7-ways-women-can-build-confidence-at-work">Image Source</a></span></td></tr>
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Thanks for Reading!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17099599187267036998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7782274140565313888.post-83184574732156955612015-07-30T11:51:00.001-04:002015-08-12T15:40:55.676-04:00Why I Think We Should Give Walter Palmer a Break<center>
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Unless you’ve been under a rock for the past few days, you’ve
probably heard about the trophy-hunting dentist <a href="http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2015/07/28/minnesota-dentist-walter-james-palmer-cecil-lion-africa/30785881/">Walter Palmer, who accidentally killed Cecil</a>, a 13-year old lion from a Zimbabwean reserve who was beloved by
the local townspeople. As someone who has been intensively trained to make arguments for the past
three years, I was moved to play the devil’s advocate and write a piece that
goes against the popular viewpoint. I urge you to set aside the propaganda that
has been forced down your throat for five minutes and consider my perspective.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://mashable.com/2015/07/29/cecil-the-lion-dentists-office/">Image Source</a></td></tr>
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I want to start out by saying up-front that Cecil the lion’s death is
a tragedy. I feel sorry for his cubs, who will now be vulnerable to the next
male who takes over the pride, <a href="http://www.lionaid.org/faqs_lions/why-do-male-lions-kill-cubs.htm">as is the way of their species.</a> I feel sorry
that the local people have lost their "pet" mascot. But mostly, I feel sorry for the dentist who
now seems to be <a href="http://nypost.com/2015/07/29/guides-who-helped-kill-cecil-face-poaching-charges/">internationally hated more than ISIS</a>, who <a href="http://www.businessinsider.com/dentist-accused-of-killing-a-lion-closed-his-practice-2015-7">is in real danger of losing his business</a> for legally doing something that thousands of other
Americans do. The worldwide outrage and hate I have seen in response to this event
has astounded me, especially the hatefulness targeted at hunters in general.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbdeDAE9itoYhdz1N0pnOvnOrAkju0QILBgoKj8m6mEuLTPFttGa7F9DlhIYY0sCRmf-4tA9mWBAszgVziU5TQTR-4_da5li2AmCTmWe39p33BgrG9RKS9GXikItUh7aH3_pfQo3RwFxgT/s1600/HIC_new.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="270" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbdeDAE9itoYhdz1N0pnOvnOrAkju0QILBgoKj8m6mEuLTPFttGa7F9DlhIYY0sCRmf-4tA9mWBAszgVziU5TQTR-4_da5li2AmCTmWe39p33BgrG9RKS9GXikItUh7aH3_pfQo3RwFxgT/s640/HIC_new.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.rmef.org/Conservation/HuntingIsConservation/25ReasonsWhyHuntingIsConservation.aspx">Image Source</a></td></tr>
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I grew up in a hunting
family, so it has always been part of my culture. My family follows all hunting
laws, and has a great respect for the delicate ecosystem of the forest. Hunters
get a bad reputation sometimes, but a quick Google search will show you that
hunters <a href="http://conservationmagazine.org/2014/01/can-trophy-hunting-reconciled-conservation/">are basically the most active environmentalists we have</a> here. Every year, hunters nationwide <a href="http://coastalanglermag.com/okeechobee/after-the-fall-hunting-season-now-what/">contribute billions of dollars </a>to
conservation efforts. This amount dwarfs that raised by most other
environmental organizations.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Yesterday I attempted
to point out the inherent contradictions I have observed in the people’s
reaction the death of Cecil. People are quick to criticize the hunter, even going
so far as to use cruel phrases like “there is a special place in Hell for you.”
Interestingly enough, they are completely un-phased by the many other forms of animal cruelty and
torture taking place under their noses. Every year, slaughterhouses, chicken
farms, and dairy farms in THIS COUNTRY force millions of animals into a
miserable existence that is finally ended by a disgusting and painful death. Do
I think we all need to be vegetarian? Of course not. I eat meat and don’t
intend to stop. But I do so with full awareness of the sacrifices that were made by
innocent animals to put my beloved cheeseburger on my plate. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0a6MYWnW99DOTO4rWmUYZtU8_Y1_523N-pMGVllDKuZZ3OFBChSl1avKn3j5txCUlxdQ55ejsEx7O0wxQ2LDhYKEY2WYrecMnD9k56WCpO73ppTiIWqfkXTk2WoAuluHbkbkb8d4A40jO/s1600/r-ANIMAL-ABUSE-large570.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0a6MYWnW99DOTO4rWmUYZtU8_Y1_523N-pMGVllDKuZZ3OFBChSl1avKn3j5txCUlxdQ55ejsEx7O0wxQ2LDhYKEY2WYrecMnD9k56WCpO73ppTiIWqfkXTk2WoAuluHbkbkb8d4A40jO/s640/r-ANIMAL-ABUSE-large570.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A dairy Cow, too sick and injured to move or walk, lies on the ground at a meat-packing plant in California<br />
<a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/17/animal-abuse-state-legislators-pushback_n_2897434.html">Image Source</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Our mass condemnation of the hunter who mistakenly killed the
wrong lion is directly undermined by the daily behavior of most Americans. I
can’t help but think that this is a result of the popularity of the movie “The
Lion King” or all the nature shows on National Geographic. We hail lions as “amazing”
and “beautiful,” but we don’t care that thousands of rabbits and mice died to
make sure our lipstick doesn’t make us break out, or that our artificial
sweetener won’t give us cancer. Hell, hundreds of dogs live in <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MAEwCliYl50">sickening conditions at the Iams factory</a> to make sure their food won’t kill your precious
pet. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJjVIUcxMCr8nSXMBxXGsnv9RukN2AZH4dT8YN99E6E0cSkbfyq676rRTIClEO4w5P8bPmGrDN_yUoyKo4BdMfQJ4GryyB_LSCrIJ5o1A2gbG0upV7cF7ZbQLZ1bvAdX0tcrdDdzX_wYbO/s1600/474234.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJjVIUcxMCr8nSXMBxXGsnv9RukN2AZH4dT8YN99E6E0cSkbfyq676rRTIClEO4w5P8bPmGrDN_yUoyKo4BdMfQJ4GryyB_LSCrIJ5o1A2gbG0upV7cF7ZbQLZ1bvAdX0tcrdDdzX_wYbO/s640/474234.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.fanduel.com/insider/2014/09/05/there-is-a-college-football-player-named-lion-king/">Image Source</a></td></tr>
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I feel that it is
pertinent to re-iterate that I really am saddened by the death of that lion.
However, Americans are too quick to jump on the bandwagon of sensationalized
news stories without taking a millisecond to stop and think for themselves. It
is hypocritical to say that trophy hunting is "evil", while overlooking the
litany of other horrific animal treatment that is legal in this country. Even the argument of
“food” vs. “trophy” fails when you try and justify the cosmetic company that
routinely uses chemicals to burn away the corneas of rabbits to make sure your
mascara won’t harm your eyes while you rock those lush lashes that make you
feel beautiful. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiYuaCM1j_O5hmWbGVc1-9is9YbVNad5DvtDcMoplkBwc2rAp7BZu5xBVXUN8QwgiD1N0roqPXrwLf3VBd-1HgBVI8w3_w_rD1-rbFxk3UFL_gCt3_HBqzrsyrSeOctSHOq32BN2wc-LDQ/s1600/DraizeTest-PETA.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiYuaCM1j_O5hmWbGVc1-9is9YbVNad5DvtDcMoplkBwc2rAp7BZu5xBVXUN8QwgiD1N0roqPXrwLf3VBd-1HgBVI8w3_w_rD1-rbFxk3UFL_gCt3_HBqzrsyrSeOctSHOq32BN2wc-LDQ/s640/DraizeTest-PETA.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Draize Testing for mascara toxicity - process developed by the FDA<br />
<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Draize_test">Image Source</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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</div>
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Again, I am not suggesting that we all become vegan or stop
wearing make-up or taking prescription drugs. All I ask is that you take into
account ALL of the "socially accepted" injustices against animals that take place every day and
give that dentist a damn break. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6QvcxDM0mta8zgTy2DMK85AUhAglvbD-fQAyQKcWuzL-YS-orHHbjYd6l6CoraobT8NEQv8GDyXso0hJz5j2Eaa2WT_KNj7l-VUyBZcS-tLJttW8Nyzm41ZALsRkHyf30TGQEZ-mPSqGV/s1600/hunter%2540sunsetV3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6QvcxDM0mta8zgTy2DMK85AUhAglvbD-fQAyQKcWuzL-YS-orHHbjYd6l6CoraobT8NEQv8GDyXso0hJz5j2Eaa2WT_KNj7l-VUyBZcS-tLJttW8Nyzm41ZALsRkHyf30TGQEZ-mPSqGV/s1600/hunter%2540sunsetV3.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.prohuntersjournal.com/articles.asp">Image Source</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
As always, thanks for reading!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_6bjDoF6qdk0iOw5syuiQoW_Ca6ZYpyq4Q0JA5pDCGB8B6RZbrKxhdbShyhypvy0mwdO-xynp9WOmqtO0IuDAmbL0-Vjs8T6JfU8YPtwVJulJoE6kuCB90oVxeceRStVSl5OTsDwMjAwv/s1600/heart+signature.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_6bjDoF6qdk0iOw5syuiQoW_Ca6ZYpyq4Q0JA5pDCGB8B6RZbrKxhdbShyhypvy0mwdO-xynp9WOmqtO0IuDAmbL0-Vjs8T6JfU8YPtwVJulJoE6kuCB90oVxeceRStVSl5OTsDwMjAwv/s1600/heart+signature.jpg" /></a></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17099599187267036998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7782274140565313888.post-85379703196114206652015-07-27T16:34:00.000-04:002015-07-27T16:53:51.182-04:00Why I Don't Have Any Girlfriends<center>
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I’ve never been a “girl’s girl.” As I scroll through my Facebook feed, I see tons of my acquaintances doing “girls’ night out,” “drinks with my bestie,” “sister from another mister,” etc., and I can’t help but notice the lack of that in my own life. I definitely had girlfriends as a kid, and when I was in school. I noticed that that abruptly tapered off once I graduated. It probably doesn’t help that I have basically worked with only men for the past 7 years. I’ve occasionally reflected on the absence of female companionship in my life for years now. What is it about me? Why don’t I have any real girlfriends? After all of that contemplation, I’ve finally been inspired to write my theories about why I don’t seem to have any female friends.</div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUs5krCp46Mg1hr-MpbH35wwSn5yjmTZ3mEPp0vrDnWnFyHtcxfI5QG8DJKR7dff91s5xkVKieAq6oemG745ZTXHfKKGytNRz2PRB49gAjsSzJX8VvkmBNDX3CmrNL4qiY5EEWxGKkuVQk/s1600/girlfriends-4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="467" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUs5krCp46Mg1hr-MpbH35wwSn5yjmTZ3mEPp0vrDnWnFyHtcxfI5QG8DJKR7dff91s5xkVKieAq6oemG745ZTXHfKKGytNRz2PRB49gAjsSzJX8VvkmBNDX3CmrNL4qiY5EEWxGKkuVQk/s640/girlfriends-4.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://boujiemack.com/date-night-part-ii-date-bestie/">Image Source</a></span></td></tr>
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<b><u>1. I have no patience for the emotional roller-coaster syndrome.</u></b> Just like any other woman, I experience emotional ups and downs. I often get angry and offended by things that seem ridiculous to me in hindsight. Often it is hormonal. However, even then, I am pretty good at controlling myself. I never fly off the handle at other women, no matter how bad of a mood I’m in. Therefore, I find it hard to be understanding when other women go crazy-bit*h on me, then try to blame it on PMS the next day. </div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidDPDr_lRKSa9ZXIPTUcTlGqtUB3hyphenhypheniEK-F-hY1Wmbpd0LyIEF9gD2ZHZ0Zan2QCVGnn07qDzQIBXG_m9V8KwIZEygRd5U2kIlB5asPRKFQ6FFxvzpuEgiaVH6aOugQ5ulTIUiYu6LJFO0/s1600/angry_woman_iStock_000010998923XSmall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidDPDr_lRKSa9ZXIPTUcTlGqtUB3hyphenhypheniEK-F-hY1Wmbpd0LyIEF9gD2ZHZ0Zan2QCVGnn07qDzQIBXG_m9V8KwIZEygRd5U2kIlB5asPRKFQ6FFxvzpuEgiaVH6aOugQ5ulTIUiYu6LJFO0/s640/angry_woman_iStock_000010998923XSmall.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/media/pms-6-signs-it-may-be-more-serious/">Image Source</a></span></td></tr>
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<b><u>2. I can’t tolerate the constant competitiveness.</u></b> Women are ridiculous when it comes to being competitive with each other, and I can’t stand it. Sometimes in social situations, I will meet another woman, and try to strike up a friendly chat, only to realize after about three minutes she’s really just sizing me up. If there are guys around, it’s even worse. I don’t know if this is an instinctual thing that some women can’t help, but I find it incredibly draining as well as off-putting. </div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSVVB3_HtM4AoANKvxFkwsYt5ibgUY-fxUyNVvQNjQeyY8dwafDXsD9rZmpRbhHsFEXj80Cc03KOf6hQQHelmlr79ta5K2YRMM17JG_jaH9mf3MKfnmZ4xQZIpoWeolE85fzwR7TBEnji1/s1600/women-jealous-of-other-women2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSVVB3_HtM4AoANKvxFkwsYt5ibgUY-fxUyNVvQNjQeyY8dwafDXsD9rZmpRbhHsFEXj80Cc03KOf6hQQHelmlr79ta5K2YRMM17JG_jaH9mf3MKfnmZ4xQZIpoWeolE85fzwR7TBEnji1/s640/women-jealous-of-other-women2.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://datingfortodaysman.com/2010/08/why-women-compete-for-men/">Image Source</a></span></td></tr>
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<u><b>3. I don’t hold grudges.</b></u> I definitely get into arguments with people. However, once I say my piece, I make a good-faith effort to meet the other person in the middle so we can come to some kind of solution. Once the fight is resolved, it’s over for me. Most of the time I will apologize, even if I’m not completely to blame. And after that, I genuinely forgive people. A lot of women are not capable of this. They will hold onto something (often something very trivial) for YEARS. I don’t have the energy for that. It takes enough energy as it is just hashing out a disagreement. If all of that effort ends up being in vain, then it’s not a good use of my time.</div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQK5e1NxGlxxniSX4oD1zzb10y-HaZCzoMF6e1_EcrR3noWR_CmcBLSxsOUECWB5oxotkjMPYDXECh02-5XSu_0gcVeCy8pMTm-xZGF5wpdtqDvTtpx8ENqLhFN1ylynvenSWZ_y0LbRV4/s1600/women-arguing-fighting.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="384" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQK5e1NxGlxxniSX4oD1zzb10y-HaZCzoMF6e1_EcrR3noWR_CmcBLSxsOUECWB5oxotkjMPYDXECh02-5XSu_0gcVeCy8pMTm-xZGF5wpdtqDvTtpx8ENqLhFN1ylynvenSWZ_y0LbRV4/s640/women-arguing-fighting.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://www.socialmoms.com/relationships/relationship-in-trouble-maybe-its-you/">Image Source</a></span></td></tr>
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<u><b>4. Women expect you to adopt THEIR grudges, too!</b></u> This one never ceases to amaze me. Just because your girlfriend feels like she has been wronged by someone, YOU, too, are expected to give them the stink eye each and every time you see them. God forbid you ever say anything kind or civil to them or try to help them in any way. I can't deal with that. Unless someone has deeply wronged someone very, very close to me (read: immediate family) your beef with other people is yours and yours alone. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHQxfxo6DULdwFGabr0LX7CCH2R1JocfVSDAhOILjKwUgyKb1vdF85kQfNaVwYxHZAnKI3GXWAee4Hs7VF-Tl4wWFDTh1jZR1ARijdUqITXAZ70JmYAbLgelM-BOyyci5K0jJ5Wcy8b5ol/s1600/story-pic1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="177" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHQxfxo6DULdwFGabr0LX7CCH2R1JocfVSDAhOILjKwUgyKb1vdF85kQfNaVwYxHZAnKI3GXWAee4Hs7VF-Tl4wWFDTh1jZR1ARijdUqITXAZ70JmYAbLgelM-BOyyci5K0jJ5Wcy8b5ol/s400/story-pic1.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://madamenoire.com/90936/what-to-do-when-your-friends-dont-like-each-other/">Image Source</a></span></td></tr>
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<b><u>5. Women can be high-maintenance friends</u></b>. I admit that I am a pretty self-absorbed person. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my own little world that I become oblivious to everyone else. I may go weeks, months, years, without being in contact with someone. The problems occur when I reach back out to them, and I find out that they are deeply offended that I haven’t been in touch. As a busy and introverted person, I recognize that while my own world revolves around me, no one else’s does. (nor should it) So when I reconnect with an old friend, I am simply excited to see them and catch up. If rekindling a friendship involves me having to grovel for forgiveness about having been doing my own thing, it’s not worth it for me. Furthermore, a lot of women expect you to prioritize what they want you to do over what you want to do. This is three times worse if they are single. Just sayin’. </div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZe0QM8WuNlATQa1xV9rqq7JG29fUE-tAbajGnMHnQzhrpF6zd0ugGeMq7BwI_0zb8dvWNUuiI-knhFjfQCa-8huV5GKyUjIbpCBDPC5WL8Hx3EyQ2mvm6OATej_WjoK6aB-irfsnKppuc/s1600/needygif.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZe0QM8WuNlATQa1xV9rqq7JG29fUE-tAbajGnMHnQzhrpF6zd0ugGeMq7BwI_0zb8dvWNUuiI-knhFjfQCa-8huV5GKyUjIbpCBDPC5WL8Hx3EyQ2mvm6OATej_WjoK6aB-irfsnKppuc/s640/needygif.gif" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://the-lib.com/2015/02/19/are-you-needy/">Image Source</a></span></td></tr>
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<b><u>6. I have absolutely zero consolation skills.</u></b> I’m perceptive and empathetic, but I’m terrible at pep talks. Women friends seem to need those a lot from each other, and I’m just not good at it. While I can sense when something is wrong with someone quicker than most people, I am terrible about knowing how to cheer them up. When other people cry in front of me, it affects me deeply and makes me extremely uncomfortable. Personally, when I’m upset, I prefer to let the mood run its course. I can’t stand for someone to try and cheer me up. It’s like nails on a chalkboard. Since I don’t like it, it doesn't ever occur to me to do it for anyone else. Therefore, when women try to talk to me about their problems, I tend to literally analyze the situation and give the most logical solution that occurs to me. I've found that men tend to find this type of reflection helpful, but I realize that women are often simply looking for coddling rather than a real solution. I find that unproductive, and don't need it to process though my problems. I didn't earn the nickname “Ice Queen” for no reason!</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeT-BHra0ckJUZZu8adh0E52lUYHy7ZESa3MPxML7_7LSbwnLDZc2szIifpLbOljWeb2M6_Vln1xkuwCr9zrsBFF1FxnCum_Nj9ayHwsaKwFnrVhiuW4TXS5GdBljL950ca6ok0yxZWEM8/s1600/girl-comforting-friend-sleep-disorder.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="368" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeT-BHra0ckJUZZu8adh0E52lUYHy7ZESa3MPxML7_7LSbwnLDZc2szIifpLbOljWeb2M6_Vln1xkuwCr9zrsBFF1FxnCum_Nj9ayHwsaKwFnrVhiuW4TXS5GdBljL950ca6ok0yxZWEM8/s640/girl-comforting-friend-sleep-disorder.png" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://pixgood.com/comforting-a-friend.html">Image Source</a></span></td></tr>
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<b><u>7. I’m a loner.</u></b> Maybe because most of my childhood was spent as an only child, I tend to be solitary in nature. I find that I work better and am much more productive when I am alone. Though I am often alone, I am never lonely. While I wouldn't necessarily describe myself as secretive or deceptive, I am a very private person. I can’t stand other people being in my business. “Besties” seem to always be in each other’s business. Groups of girlfriends seem to function with a pack mentality. As a fundamentally independent soul, I find that I am unable to adhere to such an invasion of my autonomy for very long without feeling like I'm going to lose my sanity. I have observed that men are not this way with their guy friends. They respect each other’s privacy and don’t feel the need to know everything about the other. Why can't women be like that too?</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17099599187267036998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7782274140565313888.post-83168078886573811862015-07-14T10:44:00.000-04:002015-07-14T10:44:30.419-04:007 Habits of Magnetic People<center>
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<span style="text-align: justify;">After spending nearly three decades on this planet, some of the most fascinating people I have encountered are those whom I will refer to in this article as "magnetic." You've probably encountered a few in your lifetime. They aren't necessarily the richest, the best-looking, or the smartest, but somehow they have an incredible knack for attracting other people to them. They are the ones we gravitate to, the ones we want to be around all the time. We seek people like this to befriend, hire, date, and solicit advice. Though we can't quite put our finger on it, there's just something about them that draws us to them. Through my interactions with magnetic people over the years, I've come to notice certain traits that they all seem to have in common. Though I strive to model my own behavior after theirs, somehow I always seem to fall short. Anyway, here are my observations:</span></div>
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1. <u style="font-weight: bold;">They are organized.</u> I'm not necessarily referring to color-coded closets and detailed checklists, but rather, the general notion of having a plan for each day and seeing it through, even if that plan involves nothing more than having fun and relaxing while on vacation. Magnetic people don't wander aimlessly through life. They understand its fleeting and fragile nature, and try to make sure their time on Earth is well spent. They know what they want to accomplish every day, and their energy is devoted to making those things happen.</div>
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<u style="font-weight: bold; text-align: justify;">2. They deal with life's troubles gracefully. </u><span style="text-align: justify;"> Life has a funny way of throwing us curve balls, but magnetic people seem to deal with them better than most other people. For example, when too many things pile up at work and come to a head at the same time, magnetic people take control. They assess problems quickly and efficiently, and then propose solutions, all without without yelling at anyone or having an anxiety attack themselves. I fear I will never learn to manage my stress the way they can. These people are absolute gems to have in your life when things go haywire. Their steadfast level-headed nature grounds us and helps us re-direct our energy to productiveness, instead of to freaking out.</span></div>
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<u style="font-weight: bold;">3. They care what some people think. </u> In my opinion, the notion that we should not care what anyone thinks does not a successful person make. While trying to please everyone is a pointless, sisyphean endeavor guaranteed to make you miserable, it <i><b>is</b></i> important to consider the feelings of those who play important roles in our lives. For example, if you run a business, you need to be mindful of what your clients think of you. If you are in a relationship, you should be concerned with how your partner feels. Magnetic people seem to find the perfect balance between channeling their efforts toward trying to please the people that really matter, and letting go of that concern with respect to the opinions of those who don't. </div>
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4. <b><u>They get along with all types of people</u></b>. You can put magnetic people into any social setting, and they easily get along with others. They have the uncanny ability to instantly perceive the personality, values, and even sore spots of other people. No matter who they are dealing with, magnetic people can almost always find some common ground upon which they can relate to someone, and they almost never offend anyone. Furthermore, magnetic people themselves are not easily offended, because they understand that feeling insulted by something is a matter of choice, and often a waste of time and energy.</div>
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<b><u>5. They keep their word.</u></b> One of the most highly valued traits in our society is dependability. Magnetic people do not let others down. If they commit to something, even if they are very inconvenienced by it, they will follow through anyway. They take their obligations very seriously, therefore they are often highly-sought-after as employees. On the flip side, since they value trustworthiness, a magnetic person expects others to honor their promises as well, having little tolerance for flakiness. </div>
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6. <b><u>They are comfortable in their own skin.</u></b> Magnetic people often have high self-esteem. They tend to be tastefully confident; rarely will you encounter one who is insecure or embarrassed about the way they look or how much money they make. However, though they are very self-assured, they are also very comfortable admitting when they don't know something and will readily ask for help. Instead of making them feel insecure, their openness with regard to their weaknesses only endears them more to others. </div>
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<u><b>7. They choose to see the best in other people.</b></u> We don't always relate to the behavior and choices of others, but instead of gossiping and criticizing, magnetic people try to find things they like about any given person. They understand that everyone, no matter how different or misunderstood, has something positive to offer the world. Magnetic people simply choose to focus on a person's best qualities, thereby helping others view them in a more favorable light too.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17099599187267036998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7782274140565313888.post-36828659256197922512015-06-29T11:20:00.000-04:002015-06-29T11:20:37.605-04:00Objection Your Honor!<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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Long before I even thought of going to law school, I loved watching dramatic courtroom scenes on TV and in the movies. There is something addictively entertaining about watching a tear-jerking closing statement, or outrageous witness testimony that shocks the attorney. The majority of the TV-watching public has never actually seen a trial in person, so I think that part of the draw is the fascination with the unknown. Although it tends to be way over-dramatized when compared to real life, most TV shows do a pretty good job of demonstrating courtroom procedure in a way that the general public can understand. However, one thing that is rarely explained are the objections. Everyone is familiar with the phrases "Objection!" "Sustained," and "Overruled," but most people without a legal background don't understand the grounds for the objections. There is a reason for this. <u>The Federal Rules of Evidence</u> (which most state courts also follow) are RIDICULOUSLY complicated, technical, and otherwise hard to follow. This year, I've had the pleasure of taking Evidence. I have found that writing articles about legal concepts helps me study and entertains some of my readers. Therefore, after hours of going through the rules with a fine-tooth comb, I decided to explain in an easier-to-understand way the meaning behind some of the most common objections you hear on TV.<br />
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<b>Disclaimer: I am not an attorney and this is in no way to be construed as legal advice. </b></div>
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1. <u>Objection! Irrelevant!</u></div>
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This is one of the easiest objections to understand, but according to attorneys I know it's one of the hardest to win. The rules require that any evidence offered to the jury be related to the main thing you're trying to prove in the case. (whether someone is guilty or innocent, whether someone was negligent, etc.) This means that if the jury believes whatever piece of evidence you give them, it has to make the main thing more or less probable. (even if only slightly) The problem, is that the argument can be easily be made that almost anything can be considered "relevant," even if it's only very divergently related to the main issue. Therefore, it's hard to get this one sustained. I think a lot of attorneys try this one because it's the easiest one to remember. You will probably have better luck keeping something out by basing your objection on some other grounds.</div>
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2. <u>Objection! More prejudicial than probative!</u></div>
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You have a better chance of keeping evidence out by using this objection. In layman's terms, this means that the particular testimony or evidence has a disproportionately better chance of making the jury not like your client than it does of proving any aspect of the main case. The only caveat with this one is that it's totally up to the judge on whether or not he feels the potential unfair bias to your client outweighs the helpfulness of this evidence to the jury in determining the verdict. Too much judicial discretion = unpredictable outcome.</div>
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3. <u>Objection! Leading the Witness!</u></div>
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This one is never explained in the movies, but you hear it all the time. To understand it, you first have to understand how the questioning works in the first place. If you're the one to call a witness, then you are the first person to ask that witness questions. This is called <i>direct examination.</i> After you're done, the other side gets to <i>cross-examine</i> your witness, meaning they get a chance to ask your witness questions, but they can only ask about things that came up during your <i>direct examination</i>. After the other side is done, you get another chance to <i>re-direct</i> your witness, where you can ask them questions relating to things that came up during <i>cross</i>, (usually to try and fix any damage the other attorney did) and finally, the other side gets <i>re-cross</i>, or the opportunity to ask further questions about things that came up during <i>re-direct. </i>One of the rules of <i>direct </i>is that you're generally not allowed to ask <b>leading questions</b>. A leading question is a question that strongly suggests how you want the witness to answer. An example of a leading questions is, "Didn't you want to kill your wife?" Most of the time, you can't ask these questions on <i>direct</i>, so if you try it, the other side will probably win if they object. On the other hand, you <b>are</b> allowed to ask leading questions on <i>cross examination. </i></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=lawyer+meme&biw=1280&bih=880&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=LBPuVJmIM461sQSTlICQBA&ved=0CAYQ_AUoAQ#tbm=isch&q=courtroom+meme&imgdii=kqtrwk1KCeK8wM%3A%3B2EnFv83CqAF5NM%3Bkqtrwk1KCeK8wM%3A&imgrc=kqtrwk1KCeK8wM%253A%3BrjgoWbt43QXhHM%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fimg.pandawhale.com%252Fpost-29400-Jim-Carrey-sits-in-courtroom-g-Xjbn.gif%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fpandawhale.com%252Fpost%252F56888%252Fparrot-bird-salad-tongs-ride-gif%3B500%3B279">Image Source</a></span></td></tr>
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4.<u> Objection! Argumentative!</u></div>
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This one's name is kind of misleading. Before law school, I always thought it meant that the attorney was being combative or quarrelsome with the witness. But that's not it, exactly. What it means is that instead of using the witness to elicit information, the attorney is essentially manipulating the witness into making his own argument for him in front of the jury. The attorney may ask questions that consist of nothing but asking the witness to agree with his own interpretation of the evidence, thereby using the witness as a tool to lead him to his ultimate legal conclusion with the jury as his audience. Allow me to illustrate:</div>
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Example: (Imagine that this is a Car Accident case.) </div>
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Attorney: Is it true that you were driving 10 miles over the speed limit when you rear-ended Mr. Smith's vehicle?</div>
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Witness: Yes</div>
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Attorney: Did you know that it's against the law to drive over the speed limit?</div>
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Witness: Yes.</div>
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Attorney: Therefore, do you agree that by driving 10 miles over the speed limit, you were being negligent?</div>
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Opposing Counsel: OBJECTION! Argumentative!</div>
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Judge: Sustained.</div>
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Since negligence is a legal term of art, the attorney can't reasonably ask the witness to answer the question, or in other words, make his argument through the witness.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://weknowmemes.com/generator/meme/Judge-Joe-Brown-Pro-Photographer/471728/">Image Source</a></span></td></tr>
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5. <u>Objection! Misleading the Jury!</u></div>
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An attorney misleads the jury if he ask a question that assumes some fact that hasn't been introduced to the jury yet. Imagine a man is on trial for murdering his wife. The prosecutor then asks him, "When was the last time you beat your wife?" Unless there has been evidence <i>already presented </i>to the jury about the man allegedly beating his wife, this qualifies as misleading the jury. It forces the jury to assume that the defendant beats his wife when they have no other reason to believe such. These are usually the "trick" questions that force the witness to concede to some fact by answering them. Unfortunately, even if you win your objection, what sucks is that the damage is probably already done. It's hard to "un-ring a bell." Once the jury hears it, whether it is admissible evidence or not, it's probably going to stay in their minds.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://thiscrazyworldwelivein.tumblr.com/post/14540870590/meme-spot-keld-tumblr-com-blunt-judge">Image Source</a></span></td></tr>
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6. <u>Objection! Hearsay!</u></div>
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Simply put, "hearsay" refers to the attempt to present as evidence a statement that was said out of court for the purposes of representing the truth of the matter therein.<br /><br />
So what does that mean?<br />
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Consider that Walter, a witness, testifies in a criminal trial, "Bob told me that Dale (the defendant) hit his wife last Tuesday." It's necessary to assume here that <i><b>we care</b></i> whether or not what Bob told Walter is true. In other words, is the statement being admitted to prove whether or not Dale actually hit his wife last Tuesday? If it is, then it is hearsay.<br />
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On the other hand, if the statement is <u><b>only</b></u> trying to prove that Bob <i>told Walter</i> that Dale beat his wife last Tuesday, then it is NOT hearsay.<br />
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The reasoning behind the rule against is hearsay is this: If we are using this statement to try and prove whether or not Dale actually hit his wife, it's not fair, because Bob isn't in court, therefore Dale doesn't have a chance to put Bob on the stand and cross-examine him.<br />
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The general rule is that hearsay isn't allowed, but there are about a MILLION exceptions to the rule (too boring to talk about here) that allow it anyway. Despite all of these exceptions, your best bet as an attorney is probably to make the objection anyway, and hope that the other lawyer can't recall the particular exception to make his argument for why the hearsay testimony should be allowed.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="https://www.pinterest.com/pin/5136987050946564/">Image Source</a></span></td></tr>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17099599187267036998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7782274140565313888.post-9917031043908961552015-06-22T09:13:00.000-04:002015-06-22T09:13:20.642-04:00Weird Things About Me You Probably Wouldn't Know Unless You Know Me In Person<center>
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I follow a lot of blogs. Most of those are people that I don't know in real life. It's so weird how you get an idea of what you think a person is like based on the limited information they reveal to you over the internet. Often, that representation is so different from the reality of who they really are. That's why today I have decided to share some weird facts about myself that make me "me," and would probably otherwise never come up on the blog. </div>
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<b><u>1. I use men's soap and men's deodorant</u></b>. I honestly just love the way it smells. Can't help it. </div>
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<b><u>2.</u></b><b style="text-decoration: underline;"> I hate surprises.</b> Gifts are the only exception. I can't think of anything worse than someone giving me a surprise party. I think I would seriously die of humiliation. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://www.brianzehr.com/self-mastery/">Image Source</a></span></td></tr>
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<b style="text-decoration: underline;">3. I don't do mornings</b><b style="text-decoration: underline;">.</b> I am not a morning person. The best way to get along with me in the morning is to not be around me.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSLvD3IoLp2CIebszvb9Szp_oHyqhT7kg_MDzdgVzvPl2lgDVynY6o3b3K6uuG8WYjKwiMC8uXUPRwgQqrOIkBtsZcUL465Ph82HeK63v-WQvudJqp6RqYAFQUbGNgUDgHq8KdZOLvcfuQ/s1600/morning_person_-_Google_Search-275x200.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="232" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSLvD3IoLp2CIebszvb9Szp_oHyqhT7kg_MDzdgVzvPl2lgDVynY6o3b3K6uuG8WYjKwiMC8uXUPRwgQqrOIkBtsZcUL465Ph82HeK63v-WQvudJqp6RqYAFQUbGNgUDgHq8KdZOLvcfuQ/s320/morning_person_-_Google_Search-275x200.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://essentialpersonaltraining.com.au/love_exercing_in_am/">Image Source</a></span></div>
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<u style="font-weight: bold;">4. I turn into a total monster when I don't eat.</u> Seriously. It's like Jekyll & Hyde. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: left;"> <span style="font-size: small;">Me normally. Me hungry. </span><br />
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<b><u>5.</u></b> <b><u>I'm introverted.</u></b> I would rather watch Netflix or read at home alone than go out to a party any day. Being trapped alone for days on end would not bother me at all as long as I had books and food.</div>
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<u style="font-weight: bold;">6. I hate being in rooms with lots of natural light.</u> I don't know why, but I can't stand it. It ironically makes me feel anxious and depressed. Most people love houses and rooms with lots of windows to let in the sunlight, but I can't stand it. I could live in a windowless dungeon with just lamplight and love it. Dim lighting is where it's at for me. I would be interested to see if anyone else is this way.</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">My ideal living room and kitchen with no windows.</span></div>
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<u style="font-weight: bold;">7. I am punctual to a fault.</u> Being late somewhere gives me a mini panic attack. If I'm supposed to be somewhere at 8:00, I am there by 7:45. It's just how I function. Always have. I also get very angry when other people are late. For anything.</div>
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<u style="font-weight: bold;">8. I am not girly at all.</u> Let me clarify: I am extremely feminine. I love fashion and beauty. But my style tends away from anything cutesy, like ribbons, bows, ruffles, and the color pink. I wear black at least 6 days out of the week and I don't own anything that's monogrammed. Last time I counted I owned more than 20 black dresses. </div>
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<b><u>9. I think United States history is basically the most boring subject there is</u></b>. I know, totally unpatriotic of me, but I can't help it. I tried to watch the movie <i>The Patriot</i> about 7 times, and I can't make it through it. I don't know what it is, but I just can't get into it. On the other hand, I LOVE medieval history, ancient Egyptian history, and ancient Greek/Roman history. I find those cultures utterly fascinating. </div>
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<b><u>10. I 100% believe Atlantis was real.</u></b> I've watched the Disney movie Atlantis about a million times and I am fascinated with it. I also love anything to do with the ocean, aquariums, sea creatures, etc. </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17099599187267036998noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7782274140565313888.post-13508867078188438662015-06-15T10:13:00.000-04:002015-06-15T10:13:20.156-04:00Deep South Wedding: Bridesmaid Luncheon & Rehearsal Dinner<center>
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As many of you already know, I traveled to Natchitoches, Louisiana last weekend to attend and be an attendant in my cousin Kimberly's wedding. Since there were so many events, I'm breaking it down into multiple posts. The first day was a dedicated travel day. Since RDU doesn't offer and direct flights to Alexandria, Louisiana, we had to go through Atlanta. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I was a lot more excited to be flying that Dad. </td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We took up an entire row on the plane.<br /></td></tr>
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We finally made it to the Church Street Inn in Natchitoches around 4:00 PM.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The view from our hotel.</td></tr>
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We were all pretty worn out, so we grabbed dinner at Mama's, a local joint around the corner from our hotel. </div>
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<span style="text-align: justify;">The first main event, which was the bridesmaid's luncheon took place the next day. The venue was Hana's, a local Japanese restaurant. </span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The bridesmaids posed for a quick shot with the bride.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">These are all of the Stone women in attendance. (Or Stone descendants)</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me and my aunt Lori twinned it up.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: justify;">I found out one of my cousin's college friends, Hanna, (pictured with me here) had just graduated from law school at Harvard. I insisted on a picture with her, since this is the closest I'll ever get to Harvard Law! :-P </td></tr>
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On Friday evening, we attended the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner at <a href="http://www.thelandingrestaurantnatchitoches.com/">The Landing Restaurant</a>. I unfortunately didn't get a lot of pictures there, but the food and atmosphere were great. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiy52PtOhPV7snHnHCfYetL-NLUue8ASGSwn5kVAFGFbJtxs-2omMPfD3w0_ado3ZKj8AR41Bs3rOR57T_wzK9Vuz62J83FCN1KHRjDYmMXKz1rTbs-MkBncnvj_25HgqMY7ifJa4nvolJc/s1600/IMG_4046.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiy52PtOhPV7snHnHCfYetL-NLUue8ASGSwn5kVAFGFbJtxs-2omMPfD3w0_ado3ZKj8AR41Bs3rOR57T_wzK9Vuz62J83FCN1KHRjDYmMXKz1rTbs-MkBncnvj_25HgqMY7ifJa4nvolJc/s1600/IMG_4046.JPG" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We actually got a family picture dressed up, which is pretty rare for us.</td></tr>
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<br />Stay tuned for wedding day coverage!</center>
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Thanks for Reading!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17099599187267036998noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7782274140565313888.post-87149292570270323772015-06-05T09:47:00.000-04:002015-06-05T09:47:39.943-04:00Designer Style Capture: Jack Rogers Lookalike Sandals<center>
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In the last designer style capture, I shared the Tory Burch lookalike sandals I found at Shoe Show. Read about those <a href="http://danastonestyle.blogspot.com/2015/04/designer-style-capture-tory-burch-style.html"><span style="color: magenta;">here</span></a>. This time, I found something that I'm possibly even more excited about. I found a Jack Rogers sandal lookalike! Everyone is familiar with the timeless, go-with-everything, wardrobe-staple that is a pair of Jack Rogers sandals. ESPECIALLY in the new colors for this year! Only problem? They're well over $100 a pop.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXxAdGX41oh5JfVWdqGuFQaA5rFM9HpFKcp1KXbvp06oaMfwiXsiaeLXnYUiPniC_BAOFBCn6ZoaJ0dsm-uZbMiaKVR1jhqXiGJ4I8opIj20SDHZi0kcWAJaZHFq5jq1v9kVhTWo0_463W/s1600/jack+rogers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="348" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXxAdGX41oh5JfVWdqGuFQaA5rFM9HpFKcp1KXbvp06oaMfwiXsiaeLXnYUiPniC_BAOFBCn6ZoaJ0dsm-uZbMiaKVR1jhqXiGJ4I8opIj20SDHZi0kcWAJaZHFq5jq1v9kVhTWo0_463W/s400/jack+rogers.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://www.jackrogersusa.com/">Jack Rogers</a> </span></td></tr>
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So the other day, I was on the <a href="http://www.francescas.com/"><span style="color: magenta;">Francesca's</span></a> website, and I discovered the <a href="http://www.francescas.com/product/tamara-sandal.do?sortby=ourPicks&refType=&from=fn"><span style="color: magenta;">Tamara sandal</span></a>. I'll give you a minute to absorb. </div>
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Find them <span style="color: magenta;"><a href="http://www.francescas.com/product/tamara-sandal.do?sortby=ourPicks&refType=&from=fn"><span style="color: magenta;">here</span></a> </span>in three awesome colors. Best part? They cost $38.00. </div>
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Also, there were these, which I had to physically restrain myself from buying for $20.00</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.francescas.com/product/shandra-pineapple-sneaker.do" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWti2iSLitn2jpoRbPsb0P7tv4IIGGAHXSBUszf6My7zXbgIn4H_UZbCTlCMx69SQ_k56RxHUlqj9aWJ8JAmlvKZoNqy4Ozyyjrrp3O2ywRL8tu64jHXtgHWRThgD3nvU71aTYLWul_VeH/s400/SHANDRA_navy-cl-w460.jpg" width="266" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.francescas.com/product/shandra-pineapple-sneaker.do"><span style="color: magenta;">Shandra Pineapple Sneaker - $20.00</span></a></td></tr>
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You're welcome, internet. Happy shopping. </div>
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Thanks for Reading!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17099599187267036998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7782274140565313888.post-21307855991419426802015-06-03T10:29:00.000-04:002015-06-03T13:57:42.284-04:00How to Argue About Wedding Caterers, Gay Weddings, and Freedom of Religion With Your Facebook Friends<center>
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In light of the recent publicity surrounding the <a href="http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/oregon-bakery-pay-gay-couple-refused-cake-article-1.2103577"><span style="color: magenta;">bakery in Oregon</span></a> who refused to cater a lesbian couple's wedding, I decided to write a little article about what the Constitution actually says about freedom of religion. While the issue is anything but settled, most people are pretty polarized when it comes to their opinion on this. Therefore, if you're going to argue about it with your friends, family, coworkers, barista, or exterminator, you should be familiar with the basics. It will make you sound more authoritative and intelligent in your argument.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://www.examiner.com/article/oregon-bakery-fined-150000-for-refusing-to-sell-wedding-cake-to-gay-couple">Image Source</a></span></td></tr>
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<u><b><span style="font-size: x-large;">So, what does the Constitution say about Religion?</span></b></u></div>
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<span style="text-align: left;">It's really just one little sentence. But boy is it ever one loaded, powerful, and heavily analyzed phrase: </span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://www.adl.org/civil-rights/religious-freedom/">Image Source</a></span></td></tr>
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"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof;" </div>
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That's it. But legal scholars, the media, and the general public have filled many books, news channels, and Facebook pages with debate about what that sentence actually means. For analytic purposes, it has been broken down even further into two segments: The Establishment Clause and the Free Exercise Clause. </div>
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<u><b><span style="font-size: x-large;">The Establishment Clause</span></b></u></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://thebelltowers.com/2012/10/25/the-establishment-clause-bars-pro-life-laws-a-dubious-argument/">Image Source</a></span></td></tr>
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The first part of the sentence is known as the Establishment Clause.</div>
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"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion."</div>
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It means, among other things, that the government can't establish an official religion, nor can it make laws that favor one religion over another. Whenever the government makes a law, it has to pass a special test that the Supreme Court came up with in a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lemon_v._Kurtzman"><span style="color: magenta;">famous case back in 1968</span></a>. </div>
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In order to stand, any law the government makes must:</div>
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1) <u><i><b>Have a primary secular purpose</b></i></u>: The reason for making the law can't have anything to do with helping out or hurting a particular religion.</div>
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2) <i><b style="text-decoration: underline;">Have a primary secular effect</b>:</i> When the law is actually carried out, if it ends up mainly advancing or inhibiting religious practice over anything else, it's no good regardless of its intention.</div>
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3) <u style="font-style: italic;"><b>Not result in excessive government entanglement</b>:</u> The law can't involve the government too much in the management or control of how religions conduct their affairs.</div>
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So next time you think a law might violate religious freedom, think about those three things and decide whether or not it passes what's known to us law students as "The Lemon Test," named after the plaintiff in that <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lemon_v._Kurtzman"><span style="color: magenta;">famous case</span></a>. If it doesn't, maybe it's time to start a civil action. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br /><a href="http://69279823.weebly.com/the-lemon-test.html">Image Source</a></span></td></tr>
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<u><b><span style="font-size: x-large;">The Free Exercise Clause</span></b></u></div>
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If you decide that a law doesn't violate the Establishment Clause, consider whether it might violate the Free Exercise clause. This tends to be the one people argue about the most on Facebook. </div>
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"[Congress shall make no law] prohibiting the free exercise of [religion]."</div>
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This means, that the government should not make laws that interfere with your ability to freely practice your religion. In other words, the government shouldn't make you do something your religion forbids, and they shouldn't prohibit you from doing something your religion requires. This one is <b><u>a LOT</u></b> trickier to implement than the Establishment Clause. If everyone were allowed to do whatever their religion required, we would have complete and utter chaos. So, it's near impossible for this clause to be enforced in its purest form. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://www.angiemn.com/religious-freedom/">Image source</a></span></td></tr>
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The government tries the best it can, but unfortunately, often one religion's rights seem to end where another's begin. Therefore, in <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prince_v._Massachusetts"><span style="color: magenta;">another famous case in 1944</span></a>, the Supreme Court expanded the meaning of that part of the First Ammendment to allow free practice of religion "as long as it does not run afoul of public morals or a compelling government interest." Well now, isn't that one hell of a can of worms to open? How the heck do we decide what religious practice "runs afoul of public morals"? And what exactly are "public morals," anyway? Obviously we can't just go around breaking whatever law we feel like in the name of religion, but where do we draw the line? Hence, now you can see the reason for all of the bitter arguments. In 1963, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sherbert_v._Verner"><span style="color: magenta;">the Supreme Court came up with a new way</span></a> to decide whether or not a law was in violation of the Free Exercise clause. It's a start, but it definitely still leaves a lot of gray area. Nevertheless, you should still use the test to argue your points if you find yourself in a (hopefully friendly) debate: </div>
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<b>1) Does the person have a sincere religious belief?</b></div>
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<b>2) Is the law seriously impacting their ability to act in accordance with that belief?</b></div>
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<b>3) Does the law serve a compelling (Read: EXTREMELY IMPORTANT) government interest?</b></div>
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<b>4) Could the law be re-worded to accomplish the same goal in a way that doesn't restrict that person's ability to practice their beliefs?</b></div>
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Assuming, you get "yes" for 1 and 2, if you get <b><u><span style="font-size: large;">anything other</span></u></b> than "yes" for 3 and "no" for 4, you have a potential violation. However, it can be tough for courts to determine what counts as a "compelling" government interest. </div>
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A final caveat to remember is this: <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Employment_Division_v._Smith"><span style="color: magenta;">In 1990, the Supreme Court put a little bit more restriction</span></a> on this test for Free Exercise Clause violations by deciding that you can't get out of having to follow "generally applicable laws" due to your religion. As with everything else, that still leaves a lot open to interpretation....</div>
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<u><b><span style="font-size: x-large;">So does the Constitution require my cake business to cater a gay wedding if it's against my religion?</span></b></u></div>
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From a national standpoint, it's still unclear, but (in my humble opinion) the answer is likely to be "yes" pretty soon. Think about the bakery in Oregon again. A long time ago, the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Civil_Rights_Act_of_1964"><span style="color: magenta;"> Federal Civil Rights Act of 1964</span></a> totally outlawed discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex, or national origin. But what about sexual orientation? Many states have passed widely varying anti-discrimination laws protecting the LGBT community. Even so, LGBT's are not currently a federally protected class of people. Should they be? That's being debated as we speak in courts across the country. Personally, I predict that LGBT people <i>will</i> eventually become a federally protected class, and private business will therefore no longer be allowed to discriminate against them in the name of religion. But I digress... The purpose of this article was merely to give you some background on how these issues are considered, not to argue a particular stance. I now release you into the world with the tools that you need to intelligently argue whatever viewpoint you have next time you find yourself in a friendly debate. </div>
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Thanks for Reading!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17099599187267036998noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7782274140565313888.post-75253427319619410292015-06-01T09:52:00.001-04:002016-10-11T10:28:02.865-04:00Philosophy Floral Fit 'n Flare Dress<center>
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I have been promising color for a long time, and today I am delivering! I can't help that I love wearing black and white. (Mostly black!) When I wear color, I'm very picky about it. I also hardly ever wear pink. When I was perusing the racks at Ross this weekend, I saw this Philosophy dress, and it was floral print with no pink! I loved it, and knew it would be mine. I have already worn it to a wedding this past weekend, and I am planning to wear it to a rehearsal dinner in a couple of weeks. It was so bright outside that it was hard to get good pictures, but I did the best I could. Unfortunately, I can't find the dress and the shoes online. Since I got them from Ross, they must be from last season. :-( I did include some suggestions for achieving the same look, though! Find my hair extensions <a href="http://www.hsn.com/products/lox-studio-16-curly-clip-in-hair-extensions-5-pack/7345523"><span style="color: magenta;">here</span></a>. I am wearing dark brown in 16". I hope everyone has a great week!</div>
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<b><u>Shop Floral Fit & Flare Dresses:</u></b></div>
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<b><u>Shop Black Stiletto Sandals:</u></b></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17099599187267036998noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7782274140565313888.post-75120096514726639032015-05-29T09:40:00.000-04:002015-05-29T09:40:13.937-04:00Lori's Skinny Gin-ade<center>
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My aunt Lori invented this drink, and it is amazing! It's crisp and refreshing, perfect for summer. The best part is that it has no calories other than the alcohol. We usually make this by the pitcher, but I modified the recipe for a single serving.</div>
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1 oz. gin (can substitute vodka, rum, or tequila)</div>
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2 oz. seltzer water (can substitute club soda)</div>
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1 oz. Diet Sun Drop</div>
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lemon juice to taste (I would use at least half of a lemon)</div>
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Enjoy!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17099599187267036998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7782274140565313888.post-39796310022571893272015-05-27T09:24:00.001-04:002015-05-27T09:24:36.679-04:006 Behaviors You should not tolerate in a woman<center>
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As I promised in my <a href="http://danastonestyle.blogspot.com/2015/05/6-behaviors-you-should-not-tolerate-in_19.html"><span style="color: magenta;">first article</span></a> about behaviors I refuse to tolerate in a man, here is part two of the series, because the road goes both ways, after all. I am a woman, but I do know a lot of guys, and I <i>have </i>observed a lot of bad things women do in relationships that aren't fair to men. Hell, I'm not above admitting that I've even been guilty of some of these bad behaviors myself. That being said, I've tried to learn from them to make myself a better woman to be involved with. So without further delay, here are 6 behaviors you should not tolerate in a woman:</div>
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<u><b>1. Constant Criticism.</b></u> A whole lot of women do this. I've been guilty of doing this. But ladies, we've got to stop. By nature, we tend to have a certain way we want things done, and when guys don't do it exactly that way, we tend to jump down their throats for it. They might have done a thousand other good things for us that day, but we zoom in on the one thing that, in our opinion, needs improvement and we give them grief for it. We have to stop doing that. Men need to feel appreciated by women. If you aren't appreciating them properly, at some point, some other woman will. If he's feeling starved enough for those precious words of affirmation, it could put your relationship in a very precarious position. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.</div>
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<u><b>2.</b></u><b><u> Constant Complaining.</u> </b>This kind of ties in with number one. No one likes to be around someone who complains all the time. Even if you aren't complaining specifically about something your boyfriend/husband did, it can have a similar affect. Men take pride in making their girlfriends and wives happy. When you're not happy, they tend to feel personally responsible for it. If you complain about a restaurant during your entire meal, your man feels like he's failed to treat you to a decent dinner. When you complain all the time about how much you hate your house, your man feels like he has failed to provide you with a good-enough living space. Even if you don't mean to be insulting him, the "man-speak" translation for what you're saying to him by complaining all the time is that <i><b>he</b></i> doesn't make you happy. And he shouldn't have to feel that way. </div>
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<b style="text-decoration: underline;">3. Jealousy.</b> I wrote about this in the first article, but it works the same way for women. Unless you have <i><b>first-hand knowledge</b></i> that another woman is trying to infringe on your right to your boyfriend/husband's physical affection, emotional/physical intimacy, or romantic love, then don't accuse him of it. And if you <i>do</i> have first-hand knowledge of this behavior, then you need to seriously evaluate whether or not you should continue to stay in the relationship. Even if your guy is cheating, going through his phone, and secretly following him around makes<i><b> you</b></i> look like the bad guy because you are behaving like a psycho. It's a major turn-off. Plus, if they actually aren't cheating, there are a lot of guys who will figure,"If I'm going to be accused of this no matter what I do, then why not just go ahead and do it? I'm already being punished for it anyway." That's not a place you want to find yourself in.</div>
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<u><b>4. Excessive Insecurity.</b></u> I'm a woman, and I understand that insecurity is practically inevitable. Would I love to be a few pounds lighter? Sure. Would I love to have nice big movie star teeth? Absolutely. Do I wish I made more money or had a nicer house? Of course. But something that's important to remember is this: If I'm with a guy, that means he <i><b>freely chose</b></i> to be with me, after having seen my body weight and my teeth, and knowing where I live and work. Guys get tired of women constantly asking, "Does this make me look fat?" or "Is she prettier than me?" Confidence is sexy. That level of insecurity isn't. Remember, guys are self-conscious too! While part of being in a relationship is reassuring your partner, feeling like you don't get anywhere no matter how much reassuring you do gets old really fast. Furthermore, if you constantly talk about how bad you suck, you just might end up convincing him!</div>
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<u style="font-weight: bold;">5. Withholding physical affection. </u> This is a big no-no. Guys arguably crave physical affection more than women. I believe that some women can feel fulfilled just by sharing emotional intimacy with a man. Women don't really compartmentalize stress well, so sometimes it can be hard for us to take our minds off of our busy lives and make time for physical love. However, it's easy to forget that for men, it doesn't work that way. Men yearn for physical intimacy. If that isn't happening, they can start feeling disconnected and discarded, even though that wasn't the intention. While there is no "magic number," figure out what works for you and try to make it a priority. Your man will thank you. And never, never, NEVER use physical love as a tool to punish or manipulate your partner. It's just bad business.</div>
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<u style="font-weight: bold;">6. Being a stick in the mud. </u> The older you get, the easier it is to get caught up in all of your responsibilities. You want to make a good impression to the rest of the world, but the expectations society has for us can often be overwhelming. Add kids to the mix, and if you're not careful, you can turn into one of those people who never have any fun. French author Honoré Balzac once said, "Marriage must fight constantly against a monster which devours everything: routine.” I think he's right. While it may seem important to always behave in a sensible and serious way, if left unchecked, it can turn you into a very boring person. In addition to intimacy, fun is critical to your satisfaction in your relationship.No matter what's going on in your life, make time to have fun and try new things, or prepare to watch your relationship suffer.<br />
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<br />Thanks for Reading!<br />
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